Dear Friend,

The number one reaction I get from people when they learn about our family lifestyle is, “Man, I wish I could do that!”

So I am now putting out a challenge to you.

I want to hear from every one of you!

Post a reply to this post, or just drop me an email if you prefer, and explain to me what in your life stands in your way of living an awesome family lifestyle.  What’s keeping you from living the life you really want?  Right now. Today. Immediately.

I will be choosing several of your responses and re-posting them here, along with my personal advice on how you can move beyond those barriers and get your dream family lifestyle in gear as fast as possible.

The whole point of this site is to help you.  And my greatest goal is to find creative strategies to help you to get past whatever it is that you think stands between your life today and your dream family lifestyle.

But first, I need to understand what barriers most folks are facing.  So I really need your help as much as you may need mine.

The sooner you get your reply in to me the better.  Forget about spelling, grammar, etc.  I just need to hear from your heart.  I can fix the other stuff.

So, let me have it.  I’m ready!  My email address is hugh (at) hughdeburgh (dot) com

All the best,

Hugh

Biking Through the Americas

Dear Friend,

Let me ask you a question.

What if someone told you that she planned to travel to the mountains of Alaska with her husband and two young sons?

And from there, the whole family would hop on their bicycles and start riding South …

… through Alaska, Canada, the United States, Central America, and the length of South America, all the way to the lowest latitude city on Earth, Ushuaia, at the southern tip of Argentina?

What would you say to that?

What if I told you that they’d already completed most of that trip, and are now on the home stretch in Southern South America?

Well, you guessed it.  It’s all true. And I recently had the honor to interview Nancy Sathre-Vogel, the female half of this incredible couple as they cruised through areas of poor cell phone and Internet coverage somewhere in rural South America.

Nancy, along with her husband John Vogel, and their young sons, Daryl and Davy, are the real life super-family who took on this challenge and haven’t looked back (much) since.

Their story has been covered in the world press on NBC Nightly News (US), and by the likes of Salon.com, The Guardian Newspaper (UK), Parade Magazine (US), and many other publications.

Read on as Nancy shares with us some of her insights and stories about their adventures as a family.

The Vogel Family - On the Road ...

INTERVIEW

HUGH: Tell us a bit about what makes your family’s lifestyle a bit unusual.

NANCY: In many ways our lifestyle is unusual, but in others it isn’t.  Yes, we travel the world with all our belongings piled on our bikes and sleep in different places every night.

But we are all together as a family, learning about our world.  That’s the magic of it all.  We still have our routines and our ways of doing things – they may be a bit different from others, but don’t all families do things differently anyway?

HUGH: Tell us about what prompted both of you to embark on your unconventional lifestyle of adventure?  What kind of lifestyle did you live before taking the plunge into the way you live today?

NANCY: I think the answer to that question came down to time.  John and I
realized that we didn’t have forever on this earth and, if we wanted time with our sons, it had to be now.  Besides that, our sons were growing and changing every day and we knew it wouldn’t be long before they didn’t want to spend time with ol’ Ma &  Pa!

Before we hit the road, John and I were teaching – spending all day with other people’s kids.  Davy and Daryl went off to their respective classrooms all day.  We were, like most American families, living separate lives but sleeping in the same house each night.  Now, we live united lives and sleep in interesting locations each night!

HUGH: Did either of you have difficulty convincing the other to come along
for the ride?

NANCY: This whole thing started back in 2006 when John came home from a
particularly rough day in the classroom and said, “Nancy, I don’t want this.  I want to take off and be with Davy and Daryl.  Let’s buy a bicycle built for three for me and the boys and head out.”  I thought the man was nuts.

In time, however, I started to realize he was right – we only have one chance at life.  If we don’t live it right the first time, we don’t get a second chance.  We took off a couple months later for a year-long tour around the USA and Mexico.

At some point on that journey, we made the decision as a family that we wanted to continue traveling and decided upon the Pan American Highway.  This time we all knew what we were getting into and we were all aboard with the decision.

HUGH: When and how did you come to the conclusion that having kids and
parenting are not a barrier to living a life of adventure?

NANCY: I don’t think we ever “came to that conclusion” – we always knew.  Our boys were born in the USA while we lived in Ethiopia and I took them to Addis Ababa when they were 6 weeks old.  They climbed Mount Sinai in a backpack just before their first birthday.  By the time they turned two they had crossed the Atlantic five times and visited five countries.

We figured out quite early that traveling as a family is different than traveling as a couple, but it’s quite possibly even more magical!

HUGH: Are you concerned about what your children might be missing out on by not living a more conventional lifestyle?

NANCY: One of the things we’ve learned as long-time teachers is that the schools don’t have all the answers – there is nothing magical about the “curriculum” of schools.  Most people tend to think that schools somehow “know” what kids need to learn and they “make sure” they learn them.  That’s hogwash.

There is no magical set of facts and figures that kids need to know in order to be successful adults.  What they really need to know is how to learn.  That’s what our journey is giving them. Davy and Daryl have the most in depth understanding of the world and its peoples of all the kids I know!

Every time you make the choice to DO something, you make the choice NOT TO DO something else.  Yes, we gave up school, soccer teams, chess club, and sleeping with the same pillow every night.  But we gained swimming with marine iguanas in the Galapagos Islands, climbing Mayan pyramids in Belize, and flying over the mysterious Nazca Lines.  You can’t have it all – life is all about choices.

But ultimately, our children have learned basic life lessons of determination, teamwork, and perseverance that will carry them through life.  They have learned that life is not always a bowl of cherries -sometimes it’s the pits – but complaining won’t change anything and all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding ahead.  It nearly always turns around eventually.

HUGH: How do you address your childrens’ education?

NANCY: On our journey, we have made a conscious effort to capitalize on our boys’ natural propensity toward learning. We go out of our way to visit historical and/or scientific sites in order to arouse that sense of curiosity in our children. And our kids have learned the joy of learning.

To an extent, we’ve directed our kids’ learning – to an extent. But mostly, we simply allow Mother Nature to be the boys’ teacher, and she does a much better job than we could ever do. Mother Nature has taught the boys about the evolutionary forces of the earth, the physical layout of the land, and the vast diversity of wildlife. She’s bombarded them with ferocious winds and frozen their fingers with plummeting temperatures. But she’s also shown them miracles only she can show – the grand panoramic vista when we crest the top of a pass or the discarded shell of a cicada.

When Mother Nature isn’t teaching the kids, our journey, itself, becomes their teacher. We take advantage of our journey to visit places we know the kids can learn from. We’ve visited Mayan ruins in Mexico and Belize, national parks in the USA and Canada, and coral reefs in Central America. Whenever we are in one of those locations, we spend a fair amount of time working with the kids to help them understand what they are seeing.

But even so, we recognize that neither Mother Nature nor our journey will teach the boys certain things – things we consider essential. For those, we carry materials with us and take advantage of time in motels or the tent to work on them. We carry math books in our panniers and are steadily working through them. The boys write in their journals on a fairly regular basis and research and write essays about locations they visit. They read voraciously.

Are there holes in their education? Maybe. But what are holes? If they were in public school in Boise, would they learn the same things that they would learn if they were in school in New York City? Or in Kaohsiung, Taiwan? Our goal is to encourage the boys to learn how to learn – that way they will have the skills to fill in any hole they may find!

HUGH: I hope you don’t mind my asking, but are you rich or something?  I
mean, how can you afford to live such an exciting family adventure lifestyle while the rest of the world is working hard every day just to get by?

NANCY: Rich?  Two teachers?  Are you kidding?

I think the key is to realize that we aren’t young 20-somethings.  We are both 50-something and have worked many years. We always saved for retirement.

We are financing our journey in a variety of manners.  We’ve rented out our home (it’s paid for) and the rent income pays around half of our expenses.  Our website and articles I write generate a few hundred dollars per month.  Donations come in sporadically.  At the end of the month, whatever is not covered by other means comes out of our retirement account.

We will have to work a few extra years in order to build up our retirement account again, but we both feel that having this time with our children now – before it is too late – is well worth it.

HUGH: How do you address issues like safety while traveling?  What have been your greatest security challenges?

NANCY: Safety hasn’t been much of an issue – traveling on bike is one of the
safest ways of traveling.  Statistically speaking, you are much more likely to be injured in a car accident that in a bike accident.  We are defensive riders and follow safe practices for cycling and safety has rarely been an issue.

Many people fear fellow human beings, but our experience has shown that the vast majority of  people on our planet are kind, generous people who are more than willing to help their fellow travelers.  In all our years on the road, we have yet to meet one single bad person.

Theft is the greatest challenge we face.  While camping, we try to find a secluded location where nobody can see us.  If they don’t know we are there, they won’t know to come steal our gear in the night.  We did have one issue where my son’s toys were stolen at the Ecuador/Peru border – very unfortunate and a sad day for us all.

HUGH: What’s been your family’s most exciting, memorable event? What have been the greatest challenges in your family adventure lifestyle?

NANCY: I think crashing down that final massive descent of the Dalton Highway in Alaska and reaching solid pavement after 15 days on the Dalton was the highest point ever.  The Dalton is 414 miles of rough track cut through northern Alaska from Fairbanks to the Arctic Ocean and is known as one of the toughest cycling routes in North America.  I was sure we would be defeated by it as have so many cyclists before us.

When we finally reached the end, I was elated beyond words – we did it!!!  We conquered the Dalton!!

The greatest challenge we’ve faced – surprisingly – has been Davy’s in-grown toenails.  His feet grew from size 9 to a whopping size 13 in just over a year and that rapid growth caused a series of very serious, painful ingrown toenails that needed to be surgically removed.  so far, he has had five surgeries (in Panama, Colombia, and Ecuador) and we are hoping it’s over.  Only time will tell.

By far the hardest part of our entire journey was simply making the decision to take it.  How does one go about making the decision to go against everything she has been raised to believe to make her own path through life?  We are raised to WANT the American Dream – a big house in the suburbs, a couple of cars in the driveway, 9-5 job, etc…  So making the decision that the American Dream is not the be-all and end-all is tough!

HUGH: How have friends, relatives and new acquaintances reacted when they discover your family adventure lifestyle?

NANCY: The vast majority of the people we encounter see the magic behind what we’re doing and understand that Davy and Daryl are learning to be true global citizens.

HUGH: Tell me about the Guinness Book of World Records connection.  How did you decide to pursue setting a record and what do you hope to accomplish?

NANCY: Our sons are determined to reach Ushuaia and gain a place in the Guinness Book of World Records as the youngest to cycle the Pan American Highway.  But mostly they are determined to simply accomplish what they set out to do and to reach their goal.

The world record was an afterthought and still remains secondary to
having fun.  If, at any point, we decide we would rather do something else than cycle the Pan American Highway, we will call this trip off in a heartbeat and do the other thing.  So far, that hasn’t happened.

HUGH: What’s the plan for your next big adventure?

NANCY: I have no idea.  If you figure it out, would you please let me know?

******

You can follow the Vogel family as their journey continues at their blog, Family on Bikes.

All the best,

Hugh

The Original Nomads

Dear Friend,

As I write to you a headache is building steadily in my temples.

My four kids have been jumping on my last nerve today.  My youngest in particular.  At six years old she means well, is quite bright, inquisitive and independent.  Yet she also insists on having her parents’ attention pretty much 24/7.  You can imagine how that goes over with the other three.  God help her future husband. 😉

My eight year old struggles with Aspergers traits that cause him to overload easily.  So several times a day I am defusing conflicts between him and the other kids.

The older kids are easier to deal with but they, too, need attention. And my older daughter is already doing the puberty thing.  Moody.  Occasional door slams. The usual.

If you are a parent of tweens or teens (or ever have been) then what I have just written probably sounds like any old family on any day.  And it is. Our family isn’t really much different than most.

However, all of this is going on aboard our 35 foot motorhome in the middle of nowhere, where we are currently “dry camping” in a front yard whilst my wife takes some time to visit her widowed mom.

Why do we do it?

In the past two years we have circumnavigated North America – twice.

From Stone Mountain, Georgia to Vancouver Island, British Columbia, we’ve toured a dark coal mine and a thousand foot deep gold mine, been charged by a black bear, stepped into both the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans, surfed down snowy-white sand dunes in 100 degree desert heat, peered into the Grand Canyon, touched a glacier, pet a “wild” deer, got stuck in a bison traffic jam, shot a machine gun, handled dinosaur bones, gawked at the tallest trees on earth, and much, much more.

But we’ve also had plenty of personal trials and mishaps.  Squabbles and conflicts. And we’ve seen lots and lots (and lots!) of corn fields.

We don’t have to live this way, of course.

Nobody is forcing us.  In fact, back home we have two houses – one for sale – that we could be living in.  Either of them is far more roomy and comfortable than our motorhome.

So why do we do this?

I admit, it’s hard to live in close quarters.  I think that the most common question I get from people is, “How do we live so physically close with our family?”  I think they assume that my kids must be different somehow.  Meek and quiet perhaps.  Or perhaps my wife and I lord over them like tyrants.  Otherwise they’d surely have burned down the RV by now and driven us to suicide – or murder. 🙂

Well, there are days, like today for example, where I ask myself “Why.”  So when I hear others say this, I sometimes hesitate to answer.

So, why do we do it?

I could give tons of reasons.

Discovering new people, places and cultures.  Experiencing the Earth’s mind-boggling beauty first-hand. Giving my kids a broad exposure to their world, and encouraging them to keep an open mind about things.  Avoiding boredom at home with the same old – same old.  Escaping the oppressive heat.  Or the cold.  Visiting the world’s only “corn palace,” or a treasured and sacred Native American site.

Any of these reasons would be sufficient.  And I often blurt out one of them to satisfy my curious friends.

But the truth is, I’m not sure I have an answer.

I really don’t know why we choose to live like this.

Perhaps it is because we can.

For me, there is this feeling I get when I can just take off for any reason, or for no reason at all, and go “somewhere.”  It’s a feeling of personal empowerment.  It’s freedom in its rawest state.

I can’t get enough of that feeling.  So maybe it’s just me.

I suppose, thousands of years ago, my ancestors in Western Europe lived this way. But not necessarily by choice.

Like the Plains Indians of North America they likely followed the wild herds on their annual migrations.  They lived off the land.  They went where they wanted to, when they wanted to.  They didn’t need anyone’s permission to live this way.  And they would defend their lifestyle against anyone who would interfere.

Yes, this all sounds quite romantic.

But, honestly, I suspect that my urge to move, and to take my family with me, this “wanderlust,” is embedded in my DNA.

I other words, I live this way because I have no choice. It’s just who I am.

I don’t have any other good explanation for it.

If you feel this way somewhere deep down in your bones, I urge you to satisfy this urge and go.

If you don’t, and you are like me, you will always have an empty spot inside of you.  Our ancestors lived this way for millennia.  And our modern way of life is only a few hundred years old.  As living, evolving beings we simply cannot change that fast.

So forget looking for practical reasons to justify your urge to live a nomadic life.  Just accept the urge as a basic, instinctive drive and dive fully into your natural passion.

I hope to see you on the road someday!

All the best,

Hugh

[NOTE: This is an article that I recently wrote as a guest post for Colabears.com.  In case you didn’t see it there, I thought I’d post it here, too. Enjoy! ]

Dear Friend,

Happiness is often the result of positive thinking.

Positive thinking is a subject that I love to write about, because I really believe that positive thinking leads to positive results. In fact, I believe that thinking itself leads to results.  So you need to think about what you want to be, not about what you fear or dislike.

Of course, that’s all fine and good.  But what about those days, like today for instance, when it just seems difficult for me to be positive while the world seems to be conspiring to pull me down?

We all have these days, of course. I suppose that the biggest difference between any of us is how we react to them.

Right now I am trying to decide how to react to this day! 😉

Part of me wants to get angry. People haven’t treated me as well as I’d like (though several have been wonderful, to be honest).

Part of me just wants to be alone, which is hard when you live on the road in a motorhome with five other people.

Part of me wants to escape to a beautiful tropical island with great Internet 🙂 and just enjoy the peace.

And, to tell you the truth, fantasizing about better days or imagined joys is healthy.  It can take the edge off of a tough day

In a way, that kind of fantasizing is positive thinking.  It is picturing yourself in an environment that you really want to be in.  And the first step to changing your environment is picturing the new environment that you desire.

Of course, my life really isn’t that bad.  I just have a bad day once in a while.  In fact, I wake up every day knowing that my life is heading in the right direction, in the direction of happiness, and that the future will be better than the past.

This isn’t just Pollyanna thinking. I really do believe this. I work every day to create a future full of happiness.  And my faith is based on my understanding of the forces at work in the world today and in my own life, not just wishful thinking.

I know others, on the other hand, who never saw a day they didn’t loathe.  Or that were convinced that each bad day simply foretold their ultimate destiny, a life utterly devoid of happiness. “I guess that I’m just meant to be unhappy,” I’ve heard said more than once.

It can be easier to imagine the worst. You don’t have any pressure to perform.  You complain about the future, so that when things don’t work out, instead of being disappointed, you get to say, “I told you so!”

And some people actually suffer from clinical depression.  For these folks, every day really is bad, because they feel bad.  And those feelings only make sense if they can be assigned to something tangible in their lives, such as a relationship, job, or whatever. So, to the clinically depressed, they might imagine that their job is making them unhappy, or their spouse is terrible, etc.

In fact, the cause of their misery may just be a chemical imbalance in their brain.  But unless someone can reach them and show this to be true, they have no choice but to believe the worst.  I mean, if their life really isn’t so bad, as some keep telling them, the only excuse they might come up with for their misery may be insanity!

Negative thinking has a gravity to it, just as positive thinking does.  Get too close to it and it’ll pull you in.  And, like the blackest of black holes, it can stretch you into an oblivion that will put your dreams into a tailspin, and suck every drop of happiness out of you.

I am a strong believer that we are each responsible for protecting ourselves from negative energy. If you find it near you, and we all do, you need to distance yourself from it.  Yet this is often difficult or impolitic to do.

For example, the negativity may be emanating from a close relative, in-law, or boss.

What do you do then?

You must still protect yourself. As far as I’m concerned, if another’s negative attitude is pulling you down, you must take protective action.  If that means leaving a job, or angering a relative or “friend,” then so be it.

If getting away is absolutely impossible for the moment, try to distance yourself mentally.  You could try to cheer them up, if you think that will work.  But be careful!  Many people with negative attitudes draw energy to themselves by bringing you down with them. Or by spreading guilt.  You could quickly find yourself feeling guilty simply because you feel better than they do!

In other words, it is dangerous to play around with negative energy.  It is sticky and some often gets on you.  To me, it’s better to just get away.

So, for me at least, the keys to creating happiness from a positive attitude are as follows:

1.) Have a belief system that sees the future as a better place than the past.
2.) Count your blessings regularly
3.) Take responsibility for your own attitude
3.) Avoid negative energy wherever you find it.

Remember, this is your life.  You don’t owe your happiness to anyone else.  And your attitude is a choice.  A lifestyle choice.

Choose wisely, and live positively every day!

Wow! I feel better already!

All the best,

Hugh

[NOTE: This is an article that I recently wrote as a guest post for The Rat Race Trap blog.  In case you didn’t see it there, I thought I’d post it here, too. Enjoy! ]

View From My Bedroom Window. Price? $25

Dear Friend,

Where do you call home?

With my family lifestyle, things can be a bit different than for most.  You see, we are road warriors.  Digital nomads.  Call us what you will.  For us, home is wherever we are.

We live most of the year in a 35 foot diesel motorhome.  All six of us.  Me, my wife, and four young kids.

And during the time that we are “out there,” that motorhome is our home.

Friends have asked us how we do this.  Are we independently wealthy?  No.  Do we live on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?  No.  Don’t we miss having roots in a community?  Not really, because we still have those.  Are we insane for living so close together for such long periods.  Perhaps. 🙂

I’ve also heard comments to the effect that a motorhome can never have the feeling of home.  When folks say, “There’s no place like home,” they aren’t seeing a rolling box on wheels in their mind’s eye.

I guess what all these folks are asking is, “What do we sacrifice by living a mobile, nomadic family lifestyle?”

Fair question.

First, we aren’t always on the move.

We do drive a lot.  We have circumnavigated North America (Canada and the US) one-and-a-half times.  And we have zig-zaged all over the interior as well.  We still do.

Yes, our motorhome is our house.  But our community is wherever we choose to stop and experience for a while.

And we stop from time to time.  Often it is to visit an interesting place.  A museum, or a historical site, or a science center.  Or perhaps just somewhere that’s fun.

At other times we casually stop somewhere and just get that homey feeling.  When I feel that, I want to stay.  Not long enough to build a house, but for a week or two.

To me that homey feeling is when you feel it’s OK to let down your guard.  Where life’s affordable, the natives are friendly and sparse, the weather is nice and the scenery is pleasant.  And where all of your principle needs can be easily met.

We just found such a place.  In Champaign, Illinois.  It’s a little campground outside of town, in the middle of cornfields (what isn’t in the Midwest!).  The scenery here is very pleasant, its quiet, shaded with a lovely grove of trees, and yet five minutes from all the amenities you could need.  And the Internet here is awesome!  Finally I can get work done and backup my files online.  That’s a big deal for me.

Which brings up another issue.

Mobile Family Lifestyle Needs

When you live a mobile family lifestyle, your needs are quite different than when you are just “camping.”  As a result, we have little in common with the casual campers who surround us at most campsites, especially in the summer months.

When you camp, you may be prepared to accept a certain amount of “roughing it.” But when you are “home,” you  have fairly consistent needs that now need to be provided for on a mobile platform.

There are the basics, like, food and such, there are comfort needs, and you may also have business needs – typically technologies that allow you to work on the road.

For me to be able to call a place “home” I will have to satisfy all of these needs wherever I happen to be.

A lot is written about lowering your needs “threshold” before heading on the road. That is, reducing the number of things that you think you need so you can pack a bit lighter. We did that when we started traveling.  And it feels fantastic to get rid of  all of that stuff that you thought you couldn’t live without.

But there are some things that we are not prepared to part with, and yet are difficult to carry with us.  We have to scavenge to satisfy these needs as we go along.

One of those scavenged needs is high speed Internet.  Without it, we cannot carry on our business.  And without that economic engine, the road trip is over.

The Internet Makes Our Family Lifestyle Possible

Without the Internet and cell phones, we could not live as free a life as we do today. To ensure that we keep connected, we carry our own Internet technology with us.

One of my big gripes when we’re on the road is the Internet quality, or lack of it, that we find.  So we do the best that we can.  Outside of major metropolitan areas, Internet signals are poor or inconsistent all over North America.

In fact, this is a serious problem for anyone who wants to live life on the road but needs world-class communications at the same time.

There are very few entrepreneurs who seem to be addressing this problem.  And those who are trying are using technology that’s getting a bit long in the tooth (cell technology and satellite Internet).

As more and more folks discover the freedom and beauty of the mobile family lifestyle, this lack of Internet infrastructure means that North America is loosing its traditional advantages over parts of the former third world and Europe, where the Internet if often much more ubiquitous.

Anyway, even with these minor issues we sacrifice very little to live a mobile family lifestyle.

You can buy most anything you need on the road.

Nice campsites in quiet and safe communities are available for $25 to $50 a night (water, power and sewer included), and we tow our car along with us.

And the scenery is always changing.  When the weather is hot, we head north.  When it gets cold, we let the snow line chase us south.  All the while we run a business and write posts like this one.  The kids play and life goes on.

If you’ve ever wanted to chuck your current family lifestyle and hit the road, just do it!

Give it a try.  Consider renting an RV  or other more affordable means of travel.  Vacations are usually way too expensive to maintain as a lifestyle.  Yet you can live quite comfortably – even luxuriously – while living mobile.  It just requires that you reconfigure your life so that your dollars buy you the maximum possible return, and no more.

I hope that you will take this post as your wake up call to live the life you’ve dreamed of!

And let me know what you decide to do.  I’d love to hear about your adventures!

All the best,

Hugh

[NOTE: This is an article that I recently wrote as a guest post for Life As I Know It. In case you didn’t see it there, I thought I’d post it here, too. Enjoy! ]

Why Am I Doing This?

“You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” ~ Margaret Young

Dear Friend,

Many years ago, when I was a “kid” in college, I knew what I had to do to achieve happiness.

I was determined to be a success.

And in the go-go eighties, that meant earning big bucks.

But I was never foolish enough to think that I would get rich quick.  And neither did I buy into the eighties culture of flashy bling and drugs that destroyed so many fortunes as fast as they formed.

I knew that to be a success, I had to find a plausible path to good money, live frugally, save and invest conservatively but intelligently, and work hard.

I was focused.  I worked long hours.  Longer than the average person did.  I “knew” that successful people lived this way.

We put off pleasure.  And we ignored our immediate happiness and personal growth in exchange for progress, and for the hope that these benefits would come to us in greater quantities in the future.

I was proud of the fact that I would be well off and comfortable in my later years, while most of those fun-loving lazy types around me would see little progress in their lives.  I would be at ease while the partiers would still be grinding away.

Those thoughts kept me working while others had fun.

I did save some money.  I built a nice house – no small thing for a single guy under 30.  And I poured every last dime I could into paying off my mortgage.

And I got married.  Had four kids.  And built a nice business for myself.

Only one problem, though.

I had absolutely no interest in what I did for a living.  None.

I did it to advance my financial position.  My choices were based on anticipated financial gain.

My lifestyle was the result of a mathematical formula.  And it was as cold as one, too.

You see, I never understood the Margaret Young quote at the beginning of this piece.  I never recall ever reading it.  And if I did, perhaps I just ignored it.  Because it did not fit into my world view.  Happiness and personal growth were just ideas for “retirement.”

My lifestyle is different now.

I live on the road.  My family of six travels the world in search of new adventures and experiences.  Money is a means to an end, not an end in itself.  My lifestyle today is focused directly on my own happiness and personal growth.

I learned the hard way that saving money is no guarantee that you can keep money.  The recent series of stock market crashes proved that.

And the price we all pay for focusing primarily on the accumulation of wealth (which never does seem to accumulate) is to sacrifice the best years of our lives.

So, what’s the answer?

There are 3 Rules that you must know and follow if you are to get the most out of everyday.  These rules are simple and direct.  It is never too late to follow these rules, but the sooner you do, the better your quality of life will be.

These 3 Rules are:

1. Know who you are.  Know what really matters to you.
2. Know how you really want to spend the rest of your days.
3. Then, focus your attention on how you will accomplish that task.

That is life in a nutshell.

But so few approach it in this way.

Most follow the model that I followed.  And, as a result, spend countless years on the wrong path.

Time is life.

Time is the one resource that we cannot recover.  Therefore, it should be your most jealously guarded asset.  Your next best asset is knowledge.  The ability to leverage what is available to you to make the best use of your time.  And the best use of your time is to live the lifestyle you love.

That means spending the vast majority of your life actually living, instead of preparing to live.

Young people often take time for granted.  They imagine that they have a limitless supply.  So it is no wonder that I thought I was following a wise road back then.

I was the hard working ant, storing away food while the lazy grasshopper just hung around.  I knew that the grasshopper would be begging at my door in the cold wintertime, but that I would be safe and warm.

But our lives aren’t as simple as a child’s fairy tale. Neither are they a series of regular, predictable summers and winters.

Life is unpredictable.  You may only live another week.  Or you may live 200 years.  You simply do not know.

And until science can tell us exactly how long we have left on this Earth, we cannot afford to take any of it for granted.

So, don’t make the same mistake I did.  And if you already have, it’s not too late to change.  I have.

You can change your life’s direction.  You can start today.

Wherever you are today, I wish you the best possible future, doing what you love most.

And simply being you.

All the best,

Hugh

[NOTE: This is an article that I recently wrote as a guest post for The Bold Life. In case you didn’t see it there, I thought I’d post it here, too. Enjoy! :-)]

You Are the Leader Now

Dear Friend,

Since you are reading this article, you are probably someone who wants to bring positive change to your family lifestyle.

There are many strategies and methods that you can use to achieve this, of course.

But, what if you have a family, and you want to improve the quality of your entire family’s lifestyle?  How do you go about following your personal dreams when you have to talk a bunch of other people into doing it with you?

Do you just have to wait until the kids are grown?  Does your partner get to decide whether your dreams will come true?

Living Your Dreams When You Have a Life

This is a huge challenge for any of us who aren’t single. Does having a family determine whether you get to live out your dreams?  Is there any way to incorporate your family into your burning desire to reach your dreams?

A lot of people say that you chose to put off your personal dreams when you decided to start a family.  Or even when you decided to get married.  These folks say that families are all about compromise and sacrifice.

I respectfully disagree.

There is a way to live your dreams and bring your family along with you.  But it requires that you look into yourself and develop a skill that you may not realize you already have.

You need to accept yourself as a family lifestyle leader.

Bold Family Lifestyle Leadership

Family lifestyle leadership means taking the initiative and setting your family’s long-term agenda and direction along the lines of your dreams.  In most relationships, one partner will be the dreamer, and the other the natural follower.  Even if your partner is a Type-A leader in other areas of his or her life, I’ll bet when it comes to family lifestyle leadership they haven’t a clue.  They’ll appreciate your leadership initiative in an area they neglect.

When Both of You Want to Lead

If, however, your partner also wants to be a lifestyle leader, but he or she is taking you away from the type of lifestyle you dream of, then it’s time for a conversation.  And it’s time to get creative.

I’m not a big believer in compromise. Instead, I strive for what I call composite solutions.  This means I try to create a new vision that incorporates the most important aspects of both your and your partner’s dreams. To me, compromise usually involves one side (the stronger negotiator) getting what they want, while the other side settles for something less than satisfying.  And it assumes that your differing lifestyle visions are incompatible, which they may not be.

There is no guarantee that this approach will work for you, of course.  And if you are dealing with a particularly obstinate or change-resistant partner, you may just have to figure out whether pursuing your dreams or staying in the relationship is the greater priority for you.

Is it Selfish to Be a Family Lifestyle Leader?

It can be. It’s all in your approach. Some might say that being a family lifestyle leader really means imposing your dreams onto the rest of your family. But in my experience most families are adrift. These families are hungry for someone to take the reins of their family’s lifestyle direction.It’s quite possible that your family is hungry for you to take charge and spice up their boring family life.

Getting Your Gang On Board

Obviously, you shouldn’t just fly off and make all kinds of plans for your family without consulting them.  And even if you do, they probably won’t cooperate once it’s time to do things with you.  In fact, if your dreams require a substantial adjustment in the way your family lives day-to-day, you will have to have everone on board (or at least cooperative) before you do anything.

Talk about it.  These are your dreams, after all.  No one is better capable of painting a picture for your family of a new and exciting lifestyle than you are.  Even if you are normally meek and tongue-tied, when talking about what really matters to you, you will find your voice.

Don’t be pushy or impatient.  People don’t like new things to be shoved down their throats.  Make them think it’s their idea.  Get them involved in different aspects of planning.  Introduce your family to other families who are already following this new lifestyle.  Seeing what could be can be a real eye opener for many people.

You Have to Decide the Best Approach for Your Family

Every family is unique.  And every set of relationships within that family creates its own dynamic.  So only you are capable of determining the best approach for your family.

The key here is that you are setting the pace, and the agenda.  If you are not prepared to boldly lobby and lead the effort to bring your family along in pursuit of your dream lifestyle, it’s just not going to happen.

Nothing’s Gonna Happen Until You Take Action

This is where the boldness comes in. The first step towards the life and lifestyle of your dreams is to take ownership of that dream, and accept that nothing is going to happen until you choose to boldly lead your family in the right direction. Then you have to start taking action.  One small step at a time, carefully measuring your family’s reaction and concerns, is usually the best way to approach these things.

If you aren’t prepared to take the lead, and to take the lion’s share of the burden of incorporating your family into your dreams, then you might as well forget about those dreams.

You are the only one who can make this happen.  So start today by taking action to bring your family along on your new dream lifestyle adventure!

All the best,

Hugh

Watch Out!

Dear Friend,

You’ve known for some time that things didn’t feel right in your family life.

Nothing obvious.  Just a feeling.

Maybe you are worrying too much. Or perhaps you are subconsciously picking up on signs that there are problems with your family’s “ship-of-state.”

But who’s perfect, right?  And from some of the stuff you see on TV, your family life seems almost angelic.

Still, you wonder.  “Is my family strong?,”  “Am I doing enough to keep us strong?,” “Are my relationships with my partner and kids as good as they could be?  As they ought to be?,” “Are we bonding like a family should? Or is there a barrier, or superficial character to our relationships that could be improved on?”

Well, you’re right.  There are no perfect families.

At least not as compared to some idealized, 1950’s standard.  However, a family where all of the members feel loved and safe to grow and thrive as the person they truly are is as close to perfect as any family can be.

Is that your family?

If you just aren’t sure whether your family is in smooth water or is heading for the falls, consider the following 6 signs that your family may be in for a rough ride.  The more of these that are present, the more serious and imminent the danger.

The 6 signs that your family life is in trouble are:

1.) Little interest by members in doing things as a family;

2.) Superficial understanding by individuals of what is really important to other family members;

3.) Parents who do not include children in decisions that effect whole family;

4.) When given a choice, kids who choose to leave home and gather elsewhere;

5.) Similar-age/sex siblings who do not hang together, but go separate ways;

6.) Partner(s) who simply don’t enjoy time with the family, or who prefer to live separate lives altogether.

Do any of these sound familiar?  If so, you should put aside other family priorities for the moment and focus your creative energies on taking care of these danger signs ASAP.

Each of these 6 danger signs point to a lack of awareness and interest by each family member in other family members individually, and in the family as a unit.

This is often because members do not feel acknowledged, respected, or loved when with other members.  They may feel that they are seen as a burden by the others.  Or that their views do not matter.  And the family may not be doing enough together that creates a bond of trust and reliance between the members.

If having a strong and loving family unit is important to you, you must focus on strengthening the bonds between the members, and the group.

Obviously, personalities clash.  And sibling rivalry can get ugly.  But nothing fires up sibling rivalry more than a lack of regular focused attention by the parents on each child as an individual.  When a child feels secure in their relationship with each parent, the reason for the rivalry between siblings disappears.

If there is a large age difference between the children, or if you are a mixed family with step-children who simply don’t know each other very well, these can be practical barriers to family bonding as well.

The parents are the foundation, and the model, on which the family is built. If the parents don’t really enjoy each others’ company much, then they shouldn’t expect their kids to be any better.  Factions may form, with some kids supporting one parent more than the other.  And this sort of dynamic rips families apart.

You must have a strong partnership before you try to build a strong family. Or be prepared to build that family as a single parent, whether you are married or not.

If the partnership is strong, and feelings of love seem secure, but you still want your family to feel more bonded, consider sharing a real adventure.  Something that will force each of you to rely on and trust the other. Do something that looks a bit dangerous, that is outside of most of your comfort zones, and that requires teamwork for success.

Many businesses use adventure outings to build trust and reliance among their management teams.  Why shouldn’t families do the same?  Perhaps, after just such and experience, you will find a sense of bonding that you never knew was possible.

The sooner that you plug these danger holes in your family ship-of-state, the more likely that the ideal family life will be yours.  The sooner you build a strong bond of love and trust within your family, the sooner you will enjoy the best that family life can deliver.  And you will be teaching your kids how to do the same with their own future families.

All the best,

Hugh

Your 17 Minimum Daily Emotional Requirements

Dear Friend,

We all have needs.

Our bodies have needs.

And, on the side of every cereal box, you will see a guide to your “Minimum Daily Requirements” for vitamins, minerals, calories and such.

We are human.  And all humans have these physical requirements to some degree.  Maintaining these needs helps to preserve our physical health.

Understand, these are minimum needs.  For top health, you should do more.  Exercise, organic foods, lots of fiber.  But, if you just want to squeak by in life, these minimums should do the trick.

We also have other needs.

Emotional needs.

And these emotional needs must also be fulfilled each day if we are to maintain our emotional health.

We often go into relationships hoping that our new honey will satisfy those needs.  But what we later discover is that we are ultimately responsible for pursuing our own emotional needs. It’s just nice if we can share that pursuit with someone special.

Nevertheless, there are 17 minimum daily requirements for your emotional health that I consider non-negotiable for maintaining a solid relationship with your partner – or with anyone else for that matter.

The 17 are:

• Good will from your partner.
• Emotional support from your partner.
• Be heard by your partner and to be responded to with respect and acceptance
• Have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
• Have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
• Receive a sincere apology for any jokes or actions you find offensive.
• Clear, honest and informative answers to questions about what affects you.
• Freedom from accusation, interrogation and blame.
• Freedom from criticism and judgment.
• Have your work and your interests respected.
• Receive encouragement.
• Freedom from emotional and physical threat.
• Freedom from angry outburst and rage.
• Freedom from labels which devalue you.
• Be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
• Have your final decisions accepted.
• Privacy at times.

When a relationship lacks one or a few of these minimum daily emotional requirements, problems erupt.  The more that are missing, the bigger the eruption.

Is this all you need?  Well, personally, I want much more.  I want intimacy, closeness, passion, great sex, fun, excitement, fantasy, imagination, discovery, and more.

You probably have your own list of relationship wants.

Still, if these 17 minimum daily emotional requirements are not being met in your relationship, perhaps you need to look for the rest of your wants somewhere else.

All the best,

Hugh