Dear Friend,

“There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way.” ~Christopher Morley

That quote struck me as the essence of the message that I feel driven to communicate to anyone I meet whose face or attitude tell me they need to hear it.

You really can look into people’s eyes and know the state of their spirit. And in too many people’s eyes you will see an almost lost look of amorphous pain. It’s the look of a “life of quiet desperation” that is oft spoken of. You can also observe people’s expressed thought patterns, attitudes, and general life approach and get strong hints of the same thing, but I prefer the eyes, as what they say is very hard to disguise.

Satisfied people radiate energy. They may be CEOs or garbage men, it matters not. That look is always the same. Yet, when I the look around me on any common day the look I see most is a look of pain. I know that look because I have seen it in the mirror for so many of the years of my life and I have despised it. Lost years when I walked with the un-living, for I was one of them.

What is missing in people’s lives is a real sense of who they are, and of a life of purpose in sync with their true being. A self-designed, self-directed life of joy and true fulfillment.

I have come to believe that, once we exit our childhood, we often enter a life spent spiritually and emotionally asleep. I like to say that one must be born twice – once of the body and once more of the spirit. Perhaps it is my religious upbringing that paints the picture in this manner. Nevertheless, the analogy seems to fit. Only when the spirit is finally born is someone truly alive.

Most people exist between these two awakenings. It’s a purgatory kind of world. And unfortunately, it seems that most are never reborn of the spirit. Most, in other words, never wake up.

Only when someone wakes up can they become aware of their true self. Without such self knowledge, happiness is almost impossible to experience, and then only in fleeting moments.

The quiet of an unborn spirit often seems to leave the emotions somewhat numb. Many become bored with this “in-between” existence, and seek artificial stimulation to entertain themselves. Some use drugs or pursue thrilling experiences. These only mask the pain, as this is what drugs are good for, and such experiences are quite temporary and often injurious to the body as well.

The sense that something is missing from our lives pervades life, and grows with age. Some give up on happiness and become bitter. Some look to others to bring them happiness, which never succeeds and often puts serious stress on relationships.

How does one “wake up?” Well, consider this. How does your body wake up? Is it something that you will it to do? People often will their bodies to stay awake, but waking up – becoming physically conscious, is something that happens all on its own.

That is the lesson you need remember. To prepare yourself for your own awakening, you must learn to stop trying so hard. You must stop driving yourself. Your spirit is meant to be awake – to emerge like a butterfly from its cocoon. You are meant to be happy and fully alive. You must simply shut up your mind and let yourself be born.

Resistance to this process takes the form of any effort on your part – either intended to help the process along or not. So don’t try. This is a very basic, natural, and really primitive process. The brain is not needed. So turn it off – or I should say, distract it like you might a precocious child.

That is your task if you think you are not fully awake. And spreading this message of hope is mine. Here’s to our mutual success.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I had the most interesting conversation with a friend over the last few days via the Twitter social network. It was about the sound of things hitting the window.

Not rocks, of course. But bugs! And later the talk turned to the sound of raindrops on a window.

We had a lot of fun joking about the bugs, which seem to have recently hatched all at once outside of my home. In the evenings they try to commit suicide by colliding with my windows in an attempt to reach the Valhalla of lights that illuminate my ceiling. All of this occurs, of course, in those moments just before I retire for the evening.

For all of the fun we had talking about this, however, I think that I was most touched by our discussion of rain.

Rain can be depressing to me. Especially when it is accompanied by gray skies and cold winds. But a warm, steady rain can be a cleanser of my soul.

I recounted to my friend an experience that I had during a visit to the rain forests of eastern Costa Rica.

I was there with others, ostensibly to go fishing. But when our trip was called off one day due to a torrential downpour, I was secretly pleased.

Not being from the area, I had never quite experienced a rain like they had that day, or at least I had never seen a rain that strong that sustained itself for so long. Imagine a thunderstorm downpour, but without the thunder, the winds, or the sudden excitement of approaching danger. Instead, imagine a solid downpour, vertical, steady, warm and completely peaceful.

Anywhere else, the immense quantities of water that fell from the sky would have quickly pooled and then run in torrents across the ground, causing flood damage, and eventually, pain and sorrow for someone. In this place, however, the rain just seemed to disappear into the ground. There were a few puddles, of course, but mostly, the apparently spongy ground just swallowed it up.

I just stood there and watched it fall. Even more, I smelled and felt this rain, or at least the mist that filled the air of the porch where I was as I stood and experienced this moment. The air was warm, but not hot, somewhat like in your shower at home. The air was humid, but not uncomfortably so. In fact, everything about this moment and this place was completely refreshing.

The image of me standing there that day has stayed with me for years. I have been to Costa Rica on four other occasions, and have visited many of that country’s impressive sites. I have also traveled to many other exciting and impressive locales. Yet never before or since has a simple rain shower so stirred my soul, or pleased me so, as it did that rainy day in the jungle.

I wish you all only pleasant rains and warm, blue sky days from this day onwards.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I have been distilling my ideas for helping people to achieve their dreams. If you are an adult, and if you have a family of your own, you know the forces at work in your life to put you on a straight jacket path into a rat-race future.

My life has always been about resisting that straight jacket, without substantial negative impact to my relaxed and comfortable lifestyle, and in teaching others how to live this way too. In fact, at their core, just about every MLM or other internet marketing program that gets shoved down your throat in email spam and otherwise is really directed to achieve the same thing – to enable grownups like us to escape the prison of the cubicle, the kitchen, or the minivan, and to instead pursue our dreams in any way we desire, without forcing our family to live in a cardboard box under an overpass while dining out of garbage cans.

The problem, the missing element out of all of this, is that there has never been a conceptual framework, an image that people can grab hold of and say, “Yes!, That’s me! That’s how I want my family to live our lives!.”

I call this new framework the “Family Liberation Movement,” and those who choose to be a part of this resistance to the mediocre as the “Family Liberation Nation.” We choose to live our own lives, sharing as much with the Ozzie and Harriot set as we individually wish, but living lives and earning wealth in a manner defined by our steadfast determination to make our own life choices and to pursue our lifestyles as we see fit.

If this approach to living your life sounds intriguing, then stick around. I know that you must have many questions. You should also have thoughts of your own as to the best way to achieve this new approach to family life. Let’s join together in the creation of our new world, and declare our independence from the tyranny of suburbia!

Won’t you join me and become a citizen of the Family Liberation Nation?

Talk to you soon!

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I have to be honest. Since I started blogging several months ago, I’ve been struggling to discover my own, personal niche in this world. In fact, I think that I’ve been struggling all of my life to find that niche. Yet in my heart I have always felt that I well knew my place, and that I had a great deal to offer to my fellow man that was desperately needed and that was not being adequately delivered by others.

Getting my head to discover what my heart already seemed to know has not been easy. Mostly because, I believe, I have been “thinking” about this with my mind, rather than with my heart (which is the true well of wisdom in my life, and probably in yours as well).

I know that I love to inspire people to move beyond perceived limits in their lives. I am also inspired by and driven to emulate aspects of the lives of people who have discovered the world in all of its raw glory, not hesitating to go where many others might hesitate. It is the freedom that these folks personify that most inspires me. But I am also secretly jealous of their ability to pursue their passions without the burdens of everyday life that seem to thwart most of us.

One of the greatest hurdles that seems to stand in the way of most folks (including myself) who dream of a life of true liberty and self-directed freedom is the fact that we have families (in my case, a fairly large one) and the attendant responsibilities that come along with them. I imagine that many a man sits in a bar, secretly bemoaning the dreams and experiences of his youth that seem to be cut off forever by that screeching bundle of joy he just left with the wife back home. Such feelings also must contribute to a great deal of resentment and stress between spouses. I wonder how many divorces have, at their most fundamental root, a resentment by one or both spouses over their perception of a significant loss of freedom that their marriage and family brought to their lives.

I have been a student of this phenomenon practically all of my life. For some reason, I have always refused to accept imprisonment in any form. I have always believed that it is our own perceptions of reality, much more than reality itself, that limit our personal freedom to pursue our desired lifestyle. In particular I believe that it is our acquiescence to conventional, inside-the-box thinking, along with a desire not to challenge the expectations of extended family members and friends, that imprisons all of us and teaches us the false lesson that “grown-ups don’t have dreams, they have jobs instead.”

I also realize that there are very few realistic life models being provided to the world that include both family and freedom. We are given fairly rigid models for how our lives are supposed to be lived. Families live in the suburbs, we are told. Adventure is for college kids who backpack across Europe, sacking out in hostels. It’s time to grow up. Or, to run out on your family.

There has to be a better way. Family life cannot be a prison for those of us who refuse to live the Ozzie and Harriot lifestyle.

I admit that I am not some adventure junkie. In fact, I have yet to do one of those zip-line thingys during my five trips to Costa Rica (if you’ve been there then you know what I’m talking about).

I loved Tim Ferris’ book, “The Four Hour Work Week,” which described a very unconventional lifestyle of travel and adventure being lived by a 20-something, unattached genius overachiever. The book was a huge hit, in fact. However, it was written by a guy that almost no one can identify with. What the world needs, I believe, is a road map to freedom for the rest of us. And particularly for those great many of us who refuse to be imprisoned in the weighty shackles of conventional suburban lifestyles.

I believe that I was brought to this world to create that roadmap, and to bring it to you.

We are all in this life together, and many of us want the same thing. The freedom to live our lives as we choose. I propose that we help each other to achieve just that. Without the sacrifices that we fear. And while bringing our families along for the ride.

Such adventures may just be the greatest gift that a parent can give to a child. And the stresses of travel can create a solid foundation for a marriage just as easily as they can tear one apart. In fact, I believe that such stress can never cause injury to a relationship that would not eventually occur anyway. It just brings inherent flaws to the fore sooner.

I am The Passionate Warrior. I am a husband, a father, and a warrior for personal freedom. This is my quest. Won’t you join me? I can’t wait to get started!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

My kids are all crying. You see, my youngest took a snack from my older daughter, who started crying. Then my younger son wanted the snack. My oldest told them all that they should just stop fighting over a silly snack. Then my wife told them they were all going to bed at 7:30 tonight because they were fighting, and she reminded them that they stayed up late the night before. That’s when everybody opened up.

That, my friends, is a typical evening in my house. If you have a bunch of kids, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t, you’re probably praying for infertility about now.

It can be hard to wax poetically about the joys of parenthood when this is the kind of background noise one writes to. Yet, parenting has its happy times. For me, it’s spending time with each individual child. Getting to know each of them as individuals. And cuddling with them is nice, too.

For me, parenting is an opportunity to save at least four kids from dumb parenting. Which means that I can’t be a dumb parent – a tall order.

What does parenthood mean to you? Were you a parent by choice, by acquiescence or by accident? Did the manner that you started out as a parent effect your experience as a parent? What were your expectations and how has reality compared to them? In what ways has parenthood changed you as a person? How are different than you were before? And if you’re not a parent, how do discussions like this effect your fantasies about becoming one?

I look forward to your thoughts. It’s an important topic!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I have done some traveling in my life, though much less than I would prefer. It always seems that the responsibilities that we so lightly assume one day serve to tie us down so that opportunities that arise later for a more mobile lifestyle are missed.

It is also quite true that traveling with family, and especially with young children, adds an entirely new (and often difficult) challenge.

In the traveling that I have done I have been honored to explore Argentina (with my entire family and for a month), Costa Rica (five times; once with my oldest son), the Canadian Maritimes (for about two weeks and with the whole gang), Japan (for ten days when I was a teenager), the Bahamas (by sailboat as crew, and later by cruise ship with my oldest daughter), and Bermuda (for ten days for our honeymoon – no kids yet). My wife and I have also driven across large portions of the US several times dragging a travel trailer and four screaming kids. That’s an interesting experience.

In all of this traveling the one thing that impacted me most was not the scenery (though some was breathtaking), or the cultural attractions (though many were fascinating), or the entertainment. The one thing that struck me most in my travels, and which I consider most significant when I discern the value of a travel visit, is the attitude of the people in the places I visit.

We all know that individuals vary, and that mean people and nice people inhabit all parts of our globe. However I have found that some cultures have a built-in character that sets them apart.

Great philosophers of history often counseled that to fail to travel in life was to fail to understand the world. Some people today claim that this was a view true for a world where books were extremely rare and modern communications inconceivable. Today online tools like Twitter allow us to chat on an intimate level with folks on the other side of the planet, in real time. In fact, with the incredible power of the Web and media to inform us of the joys and sorrows around the world, physical travel seems almost an extravagant luxury.

I am a huge believer in the virtual power of the Internet and modern media. If I had not traveled as I have I would probably be among those who poo-poo the importance of physical travel. However I have traveled, and I have learned that our eyes and our brain’s frontal lobe are not the only tools that human beings utilize to sense the significance of a place, or a people.

We are creatures who have existed for for many thousands or even millions of years and who have evolved to communicate and experience the world with every sense we have. Until our technology allows unfettered, unedited access for all of our senses to anyplace we want to experience, we will need to travel with our bodies to fully understand it. Even more significantly, when traveling with others, the complexities of your relationships with each of those people and between those people will color the way in which you consider what your senses tell you about a place and a people. Therefore, you can travel to the same place, and see the same people, many times, but if you bring different travel partners each time then each travel experience will be unique.

My children are growing up fast. I could do as my dad had to do, and work long hours in an office Monday through Saturday and rest my tired bones on Sunday, just so I could take my family to Disney a few times. Or, I can wield every new technology I can get my hands on to design a life and a lifestyle for my family that allows us to experience as much of our world and its people as possible before my kids go off and begin to explore their own lives.

I choose to live this way. Writer Tim Ferris calls it a “Self Directed Life.” I like that phrase. That’s the life I’m gonna live. How about you?

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Is it better to spread tranquility or discord?

That may seem like a strange question, but great philosophers have disagreed on this point throughout time.

If your life’s mission is to spread peace in its simplest and most basic form, then it seems logical to focus your efforts on spreading a sense of peace wherever you go.

If, on the other hand, your mission is to awaken others from a spiritual slumber and into a new awareness of reality, then your mission may literally be to spread discord.

Jesus of Nazareth said himself in (Mat 10:34-36) “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. (35) For I have come to turn “‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law– (36) a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

For those of us less initiated in Christian theology this doesn’t exactly sound like the Jesus we thought we knew. Yet Jesus, Socrates, Buddha, Confucius and Gandhi can all be said to have been prophets and philosophers who came to the world intent on shaking it up. None of these men simply walked around smiling and holding up peace signs, although their nature certainly encompassed a love of peace.

Is it better to spread tranquility or discord? Well, we might say that it is best to follow your life’s mission, roll with life’s punches, and hopefully spread peace in the moment, even while stirring things up to ensure a greater peace for all time.

What are your thoughts?

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

My family had a birthday party for my mom yesterday. She’s 74 years old, and in good health. Just about everyone was there, except one of my sisters (no explanation), my other sister’s daughter (some bad blood with her mom there), and my oldest son.

I was responsible for my oldest son not making the party. You see, he was spending the weekend at his best friend’s house. He has such a great time when he is there.

Now, of all of my kids, my eldest really works hard to be of help to the family. His efforts are not totally unselfish, of course, and that’s OK with me. He has learned that, generally speaking, you have to give to get in this world. And as a result of his extra efforts, I try to make some special effort in his favor when I can, without generating jealousies from the rest of my crew.

I had told him originally that it was fine for him to spend the weekend at his friend’s house. I had forgotten about the birthday party. When my wife realized this on the day of the party she thought it best to go get him. I told her not to. I promised to talk to my mom about it and, in fact she was cool with it. She just asked that he stop by her house today after school so she could spend some time with him. I thought that was a great idea.

Here were my reasons for leaving my son alone. I’d like your opinion whether I was right or wrong and what you might have done under the same circumstances:

1. He has been so excited about this sleepover, and I did not want to spoil it for him.
2. He sees my mom almost every day, as she lives nearby.
3. I thought that the surprise change of plans might make him resent mandatory family gatherings more than he already does.
4. Although he would be missed by some family members, I really wanted to stand up for his happiness at that moment.

My wife disagreed. She felt that there are just some things that have to be done, and that was that. Family responsibilities are a very big deal to my wife. Yet, to her credit, she let me run with this one. I try a more unconventional approach of balancing individual happiness with what I view as the deeper significance of the particular event (or lack thereof) at the particular moment.

I don’t know. Maybe my wife was right. My sister said I was just spoiling my son. Maybe I just wanted to win points with him since just the other day he told me how happy he was that I was his dad. :-))

Maybe my son is playing me? He is a shrewd guy (but a very good hearted one, and not at all spoiled, thank god). If he is playing me, he is very good at it (and I have to admit that I’m kind of impressed with that). He has never pushed matters with me, so he has earned some leeway.

Maybe it was just one of the thousands of little judgment calls and balancing acts that we engage in as parents, everyday. Who knows.

In the long run, as long as I don’t screw my kids up too much, I figure that I’ve probably done as well as I can, anyway.

Oh well. I’d love to hear your thoughts, or just hear from you on any topic of interest. I love to chat about things that help us to learn and grow.

Wishing you a great week,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Today I stopped by one of those mega-gas-food-whatever stores along the highway. My family and I picked up some “healthy” food and expanded our waist lines a bit. When I was paying for everything I noticed those ubiquitous energy “shots” that guarantee “4 hour energy” or some similar promise at the check-out counter.

Of course I started to wonder. Are there really so many tired people out there that they need an energy boost in the middle of the day? The answer is obviously yes, or else the companies that produce this stuff wouldn’t be proliferating so.

Why are people so tired? I assume that these things are being sold in the middle of the day to ordinary working people. I mean, that seemed to be the typical clientele of this particular establishment, and there was no college nearby where students might be amping up for an all night study (or party!) session.

So the question remains. Why so tired? Some folks claim the problem is our diet. At least here in North America the food tends to be prepackaged, highly refined, high in calories and fat and low in natural goodness, regardless of what the labels might say.

Other folks say that people are tired because they are running uphill, against their own natural current. When people do what they are meant to do, they naturally find the way easy and smooth. It’s as if we are all swimming in our own individual “rivers,” and when we swim with the current (follow our nature) we progress fast and easily. At times we can almost coast and let the natural momentum take us away.

Of course the opposite is true when we do not swim with our natural current. Instead, we may look at the direction others are swimming and mistakenly assume that we are all in the same river. If they are swimming in that direction, we think, then we had better do that too. Yet we don’t realize that the ones we are following may be swimming with their natural current, while we would not be. Or, more likely, they may be doing exactly what we are, and following the crowd. And it’s hard going. And tiring. And progress is slow. And we wonder why. Why aren’t I more successful? Why am I so tired? Why haven’t my dreams come true?

I believe that it is only when each of us discovers the nature of our own personal “river” – our true path – that we can arrange ourselves so that we flow with the strongest part of the current, right over the falls if need be. And we have nothing to fear because we are doing exactly what we were meant to do. All of our effort is magnified twenty times as compared with when we fought against our true nature.

Think about it. Are you often tired? More than you think that you should be? Put down the donut, pick up a carrot, and think about the river you have been swimming in.

Thanks and all the best,

Hugh