Dear Friend,

My family and I are planning a cross-continent North American excursion in an RV. Yes, all six of us, plus possibly a friend or two once in a while, will be marching like Sherman’s army across the beaches, hills, mountains, corn fields, and corn fields, and corn fields…oh well, you get the picture.

Why would I, in fact, why would any sane human being, drag four active kids and my dear wife into such a cramped experience of excitement, frustration, agony, smells, whines, and discovery as that?

Well, it’s certainly possible that I am not a sane human being. However, in my weak mind I got the idea that parents have a very small window of time to share with their children while those children are still open to sharing discovery with us.

As teens, kids are already breaking free of parental domination and want to emphasize and discover their own style of living. My kids are aged five through eleven. I think perhaps that if I don’t do this now, it will never happen.

To raise some quick cash, my wife and I decided to dump a “valuable” piece of real estate we have held for some time. I say dump because the Realtor says it’s worth about a third less than it was just a few years ago. That’s a big hit. Perhaps we should just hold onto it until the market improves? That would be the smart financial move. However, if we always do the right thing financially, we’ll have a big bank account and an equally big hole in our heart where our kids used to live.

We have a small trailer for quick excursions, but this time we are going to bite the bullet and aim for a big motorhome. The good news is that, with the economy, these things can be bought new for up to 40% off list price. So we plan to fly to a distant city where there is lots of inventory, and perhaps start our journey from there.

All of our kids are way ahead in academics, so I’m not worried about them missing school. And I have about a dozen different homeschooling programs that I can use with them if I think they need to be punished a bit. ;-))

So, once we take care of some details regarding the real estate and pack up our home-based business, I’ll be blogging and tweeting from the freeway.

Don’t get me wrong. We still plan to travel all over the world and experience exotic things as a family. However, the RV is a great way to start. If you don’t have one, or have definite and negative perceptions of the RV experience, try renting the movie, “RV,” starring Robin Williams, this weekend. It’s realy funny, and it does a great job of addressing what RV life can be as well as busting some of the old stereotypes that have traditionally gone along with the RV lifestyle.

I’ll talk more about this later. I plan to demonstrate with descriptions of my own family’s actions, as well as with words, at least some of the possible lifestyle options and experiences that any family can live if you have the balls to try them.

As always, all the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Quitting is a rather taboo subject in Western culture. In the States where I grew up, quitting was treated, essentially, as an immoral act. I think that Vince Lombardi, the late American football coach, explained this cultural attitude best with his quote, “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”

If you’ve had a chance to read author Seth Godin’s book, “The Dip,” you know that this cultural attitude is wrong – even harmful.

Rather than thinking in terms of quitting or not, I suggest that, instead, you imagine your process in pursuit of your goal in this way:

Imagine yourself standing at the base of a very large tree. This tree has many branches heading off in many directions. These branches intertwine a great deal, so it is impossible to tell which of these may lead you to your goal – the very highest point on the highest branch. The base of the tree signifies your starting point. As you climb this tree, you will guess at which branch to follow. Very often, you will find that the branch you chose is a dead end, of heads off in a direction that you do not want to go. So what do you do? Why, you quit climbing that branch, of course.

Now imagine that you have begun a great project in pursuit of an important goal. To achieve this, you formulate a strategy and begin to execute it by moving ahead. However, after a bit it becomes clear that this particular effort is a dead end, or at least that it won’t take you where you really want to be – the top of the tree – your ultimate goal. Do you let your ego attachment to this path keep you from quitting it and starting a new one? Do you think about all of the energy that you have already put into this path, and imagine that energy now wasted unless you “press on” in this dead-end effort? Do you get lazy and just keep going because you don’t want to face the negative energy of stopping and starting? Do you fear the stigma, from your friends, family, colleagues, or peers, of being labeled a “quitter.”

When you think of this problem in the context of the tree climbing analogy, the answer is obvious. The goal is the purpose of the effort. If what you are doing will not take you there, then only a fool or ignorant would continue another minute in that direction. This kind of “tactical quitting” is smart and necessary. But when we are close to the effort, in the moment, things often look different. We think of all of the effort, and the ego investment in this path, and it seems more difficult to stop and start another effort somewhere else.

For me, the key has always been to keep my mind’s eye on the ultimate goal. That’s where my ego attaches itself – not to the process. “Keep your eyes on the prize,” and tactical quitting becomes just one more tactic towards achieving what you really want.

So the next time you think that you are not on the right path, consider your ultimate goal. Is the path that you are now on the fastest way there? If not, quit, and climb a different branch towards your dream.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

The focus of my blog, my business, and my life, really, is to discover and explore ways to live life with my family to the fullest – whatever that may mean to us.

My website at ThePassionateWarrior.com begins with the heading, “Helping Ordinary Families Live Extraordinary Lives.” I really mean that. And not just the “extraordinary” part.

In my opinion, there are always people and families who live out on the edge. These folks live life to the fullest, and don’t need somebody like me to tell them how. I admire these families greatly, but they aren’t really my target audience.

I want to reach “ordinary” families, living typical lives. And I want to ask them a simple question – Are you satisfied with your lifestyle? Are you living today the life that you really want to live? Did you always think that once you got married and had a few kids that the days of fun and excitement in your life would be over?

There is an old but generally unspoken philosophy about coming of age in Western society. It goes something like this: Life, generally, sucks. As a child, you can run around, dream, have fun and adventures, etc. But once you grow up and leave the nest, its time to pick up that lunch pail and get to work in the mines. Marry the girl down the lane, kick out a few young’uns, and support your old folks in their elder years.

It was assumed in those days that life would be hard, and it generally was. People lived from month to month. If you didn’t work hard, you’d be fired from your job in the “mines,” and become a burden on the family – the ubiquitous “bum.”

Parents believed, though totally unconsciously, that part of their job was to beat the dreams and passions out of their children. These were seen as dangerous. Budding artists were steered towards law or medicine or business. No “starving” artists here.

The bottom line is, it is only in recent years that most adults in our culture have been able to consider the possibility of holding onto those childhood dreams and passions. Yet most still don’t realize this.

People live the lives they have been programmed to live since childhood. And those programs are often quite old and archaic. My mission is to open eyes, to help people to shed old and distructive programming, and ultimately to help them to get back in touch with their true selves.

I also want to help people to discover that having a family is no burden to living out their dreams. I believe that the best way to be a great parent is to live your life authentically, to its fullest, and to allow your children to watch you do it.

I want my children to live their lives the same way I do. Mind you, I’m not saying that I expect my kids to enjoy the same things that I do. Rather, I want them to understand that life in the 21st Century is all about knowing and striving for your personal dreams. And a great marriage is all about two independent people supporting each other to grow to their personal best, while sharing the ride and acting as each other’s unwavering support and cheering section.

If my kids take this new “programming” to heart, I will be satisfied that I have done my best as a parent. And if I can bring to the world this new message of living a full, exciting life of passion and dream fulfillment within the context of a family unit, I will feel that I have succeeded as a teacher, guide and coach to my fellow man.

I hope that you’ll join me on this journey. If you are one of those who already lives their life as they please, I need your stories and your guidance so that I can pass them on to those who truly need to hear them. And if you are living the conventional life and are wondeing when this nightmare is going to end – don’t call your divorce attorney. Instead, reconsider your life. Maybe you haven’t been living your true life after all?

Thanks for your support and for the kindness many of you have shown to me as we have begun this journey together. Here’s to a great future for families everywhere!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

How much time do you spend in absolute silence? Are you comfortable sitting still, all alone, without substantial outside stimulation?

Most Westerners are not comfortable being alone with themselves. For one thing, we have had the ability since our childhoods to be stimulated by a thousand different sources, whether TV, sports, teacher-directed classrooms, organized play, and more.

As humans, our mind craves activity. We bore quite easily. One way to overcome that boredom is to stimulate our brains with little jolts of energy. Sugar highs, caffeine, drugs, loud music, action movies, video games, flashy advertising – our lives are full of constant stimulation. As a result, our brains become addicted to this stimulation from without.

There is nothing wrong with stimulation. It can be a lot of fun! The problem arises when we as individuals cannot live without a constant state of stimulation. We become addicted to it. And our self identity becomes lost within it as well.

When our world goes quiet, perhaps we begin to plan tomorrow’s activities. Or we start to worry about some projected mishap. God forbid we just let the quiet continue.

The fact is, a life without stimulation is simply unknown to many of us. This is why we fear the silence. We fear being swallowed up in the boredom! Or we fear meeting our true selves, face to face.

Whatever the reason, our fear of sitting in true silence means that we miss a great deal of what comes at us. And we often try far too hard to achieve what we think we want.

Often, if we just relax and take positive steps in a desired direction, what we want will come to us on its own. Also, our greatest ideas and insights are often communicated to us in low whispers that we will not recognize if we are too busy with the hustle and bustle of the here and now.

To truly understand ourselves, we must be prepared to see and accept ourselves fully as we really are. Those of us who still struggle with acceptance of our “shadow” selves, or who have a confused self identity, often do not want to address our true selves in a way that may upset a well crafted cease-fire within our own psyche.

The bottom line is, self discovery is the first and most critical step to self actualization. Only by understanding who you truly are can you begin to understand your life’s true purpose, and then begin to steer your life in a path that really means something to you. And only be being willing to exist in silence can we begin the process of self discovery.

If you aren’t comfortable with silence, do yourself a favor. Put on some soft music. Or just listen to the insects or birds outside of your window. And do nothing else. Consider picking up a book on meditation. There are many simple techniques that you can utilize to help you to discover yourself in the quiet.

Once you master being alone with you, you just may save yourself some money on doctor’s bills. Watch your blood pressure go down. And your neuroses fade away. And sitting alone in the quiet costs you nothing. It’s a simple and powerful technique for improving the quality of your life.

I wish you the best of luck in discovering the beautiful world of silence. It’s a place you won’t want to leave!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Why were you born? Why are you living and breathing, right now? Deep questions. But do you have an idea of the answer?

It can be a great revelation that we are on this Earth for a purpose. But after the initial excitement, another question arises: “What, exactly, is my purpose?”

How do you discover your purpose? Some people go for years, trying all kinds of things, then quitting, and ultimately getting frustrated by the question.

When we live a conventional life, things come much more easily. We live by conventional rules and so our choices in life are limited. And we drag through life wondering where all of our life energy went.

Once we discover that we have a purpose, that feeling of life energy rushes back to us, reminding us of the heady moments of childhood. We feel young again!

Unfortunately, we are also suddenly faced with a cornucopia of life choices that we never before knew to exist. It’s exciting, but it’s also confusing. You can come to feel like you do when your kid tells you that there’s nothing on TV, and there are over 500 channels to watch. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by the choices that life provides.

Despite all of these choices, your purpose is in there. One technique that has worked for some is to start writing about your life’s purpose. You don’t have to say anything special. In fact, it’s better if you just start by writing whatever happens to be passing through your mind at the moment. Just keep the idea of your life’s purpose in the forefront of your thoughts, and after about three pages your life’s purpose will be there, on the page, staring up at you.

Give it a try. It’s an easy technique and it can help you to sidestep a lot of unnecessary frustration.

Talk to you soon!

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I watched an interesting movie today. Maybe you’ve seen it? It’s called “Surfwise,”and it’s about the Paskowitz family, who lived an extremely unconventional life as a family of surfers living out of a ramshackle RV in the 1960s and 70s.

I bought the film on the recommendation of my wife’s and my personal trainer, who is also a filmmaker, and who thought that some of the life philosophies of the family’s father sounded like mine.

The film described the life of the dad, a Stanford educated physician (honors grad) who lived a conventional, suburban life for a while in his 20s. He was president of the California branch of the AMA, and was even mentioned as a possible future politician.

But one day this guy realized that he had never been unhappier in his life. So he left his family, and went off to become a beach bum surfer dude (doesn’t quite sound like me, to be honest).

But that’s only the start of the story. He meets another lady who liked his new lifestyle, and went on to raise nine kids in this junky RV. They never had any money. One day, the dad told everyone that he was holding the family’s last dime. He was quite proud.

The dad became a famous and champion surfer, as did many of the children. Dad didn’t believe in education, so none of the kids ever spent one day in school. They just surfed, and ate a spartan
but healthy diet designed by the father.

The dad turned out to be a tyrant of sorts. A brilliant tyrant. And the film went on to document some of the family’s dysfunctions that likely grew out of his tyrannizing ways.

Some of the kids grew up wanting to emulate the dad’s lifestyle. Others transitioned into more conventional lives. Some deeply resented the dad. Oh well.

I did enjoy the film. I believe that the significance of the film is as an example, albeit an extreme one, of an alternative way for a family to live and raise children.

Personally, I think that the parent’s failure to homeschool in some manner, even unschooling through exposure to more of the world, probably hurt the kid’s ability to fit in to the general population later in life (if they so chose). The dad’s strong personality also probably prevented some individual development in the children. I don’t recommend this film as a model for child rearing.

Yet I’ve seen kids that are a lot more screwed up who were raised by right and proper traditional families.

I guess what I came away from the film with was that there are a lot of ways that families can live, some quite different than societal “norms,” and these ways can be equal to or better than those “norms” for the development of children into healthy adults. There are just so few well-publicized examples of such creative family lifestyles for young couples to be inspired by. And extreme examples like this one make actually drive such couples away from thinking creatively.

I don’t advocate living unconventional lifestyles simply to be different (though that’s certainly your right). But I do think that creative approaches to raising families must be tolerated by society in general if adult parents are to be free to live out their unique dreams while simultaneously raising kids. I also think that being creative and happy as a parent is the best kind of model that we as parents can be for our children.

Otherwise, we are all just prisoners of the cubicle and the PTA and we might as well get used to it.

Check out the film for yourself. Warning – there is some adult language and frank sexual references, so you might want to watch it after the kiddies are in bed.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Have you ever sat and observed the power of nature as manifested in a thunderstorm? I love how the storms can approach in the evenings, when all is dark, the flashes getting a bit brighter and more frequent with time. What most stirs me, however, is the distant rumble of thunder.

Thunder in the night sounds to me like the ultimate communication of power. Great power. And when I listen in the darkness I feel like a small mouse, hiding in the grass, waiting for the elephant to pass by.

I think I am well safe, so I allow myself to indulge in the awe of the vision. Something so large, and so powerful, and potentially so dangerous is in my midst. I can fear it and admire it at the same time. It exists to fulfill its purpose, and then dies.

I can do nothing to interfere. And if I could interfere, would I? Should I? Should I fear something simply because it is more powerful than I? Must I destroy anything that might possibly threaten me at some moment in the future? Or can I learn to live in a universe where I truly am just a mouse in the grass, watching in perceived safety, admiring the greatness that surrounds me, and then going about my small, simple, and relatively insignificant life?

Doesn’t this describe the true nature of humanity, on a tiny planet, in an insignificant corner of the universe? And are you and I any less important, than any other thing in the universe, simply because we lack the power to destroy most of what surrounds us? Simply because we have far less control over the physical universe that we desire?

I enjoy the distant thunder, so I now return to it’s solemn symphony. I hope you have a great day!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Do yourself a favor. Think of something that you have really been wanting to do but haven’t because, well, because you had reasons – money, you’ve been busy, whatever.

Now, arrange to do it. Just make it work somehow. Find the money somewhere. Take a bit of time off work. Be a bit irresponsible.

You see, you need it. We all do. Do that thing that you need to do. Or really want to do. And don’t plan it out too much. Just go. Be spontaneous. There really isn’t a better way to release underlying pressure. Worried about losing time at work? Don’t be. Your personal productivity will skyrocket afterward.

Sometimes we just need to break the rules. Otherwise, we’ll slowly wither away.

Have fun! And just do it!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

“The world has the habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going.” Napoleon Hill.

I had a nice discussion with a friend on Twitter last evening about how we deal with conflict. She said that she was a “pacifist” and did all that she could to avoid a confrontation at all times. Suddenly I felt the need to preach to her about the importance of standing up for herself. Then I wondered why I had done that.

I remembered that, as a very young child, maybe five or six years old, I found myself determined to avoid the fights that the other boys got involved in. I distinctly remember having a revelation on the playground one day. “I must be a pacifist,” I thought.

I don’t know where I had heard that term. It was the late sixties and the Vietnam War was raging on the evening news here in the States about every night. Clearly I had heard and understood what that term meant, at least in a basic way.

So why did I feel the need to “straighten out” my friend last night. Am I no longer the “pacifist” of my childhood?

What I remember about my thoughts and feelings as a child was not a philosophical position on the use of force. I remember being afraid of getting hurt. That fear made me a “pacifist.”

Later on in life that habit of letting fear and my natural shy nature dictate my reaction to conflict left me compromising my principals. I wasn’t really afraid anymore. Sometimes I really wanted to sock some of those guys good! But once you have created a persona, it is hard to break out of it.

As I grew up confrontation with bullies on the bus disappeared, of course. Yet I still seemed to work hard for compromise and conciliation in all circumstances. I think that this led some of those around me to lose respect for me. That can be dangerous when you are their boss. I guess that it became obvious to them that I saw no circumstance when standing up for oneself was appropriate.

Later in my life I began to have new revelations about myself and the purpose of my life. It was then that I realized how stupid my earlier behavior had been. For example, if I really wanted to avoid confrontation, I should have stood up to those who threatened me.

I still strongly believe in working hard to avoid conflict. I am a huge believe in win-‘win outcomes. I suspect that my years of practice in compromise and in what I like to call “composite” solutions to complex problems made such outcomes more likely than they otherwise might have been. I even considered becoming a professional arbitrator at one point, but I couldn’t stand the idea of constantly dealing with negative emotions.

My experience has taught me that if you show confidence and no fear, most conflict will be avoided. Whether kids or adults, bullies are, at heart, afraid and insecure. If you show no fear or interest in their shenanigans, they will look for easier prey. And if they don’t, you had better make them wish they did.

I know, talk like that is a far cry from my pacifist days. But I learned a great deal during my meek years. I knew that I should never go looking for trouble, but that if it came to me, and I did not stand up to it, it would rule over me forever. I now teach my children the same lesson, a lesson that would have shocked me as a child.

When we show fear to bullies, we surrender our lives and our freedom to them. We cannot rely on others to protect us. The nasty guys will just wait until you are alone and then terrorize you. You’ll never be able to rest.

Each of us must have the sense of confidence that only comes from knowing ourselves, our purpose, and our passion. With that confidence, we will put bullies and other simpletons to shame. When they see your sense of drive, purpose and direction, they will fear you. Not that you will hurt them, but that you are far more that they have ever dared to be. They are intimidated by your shine.

Gandhi was my kind of pacifist. He might not have used direct force, but he sure as heck never ran from the bullies, and he won! You will too.

Am I still a pacifist? Apparently not. What am I? Why, I’m a Passionate Warrior, of course!

All the best to you and yours,

Hugh