Dear Friend,

Been putting the final touches on the new book I am about to release.  It’s titled, “Families Without Limits – Living Your Own Creative Family Lifestyle.”

I’m excited about this release!  This book is an excellent introduction to the philosophy that I encourage every family to adopt, and I hope that I can count on you to check out a copy! 😉

Also been getting lots of last minute details taken care of before the army shoves off early next week for our cross-continental journey in the Road Warrior.  Been busier than a one-armed paperhanger!

No post yesterday – sorry.  And today’s post is quite abbreviated.  However, hope to pick up the pace when we get back on the road.

Thank you for the support that I have received.  It has been fantastic!

Talk to you soon!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

This post is aimed at my masculine readers.  If you are of the feminine race, please read this as well, and set me straight if you disagree.  You certainly know this subject better than I!

Let me start out by stating that this post is a hopeless generalization.  When I refer to relationships it must be also understood that there are as many unique relationship dynamics as there are relationships.  That’s a lot of variety!

Nevertheless, there are some generally accurate things that I have experienced in my relationships that I thought needed to be passed on to other men to improve their chances for keeping their honey happy.

So here goes…

First, I am passionate about the fact that women are equal to men in every way.  Masculine and feminine are unique from each other, but everyone deserves to be treated with equal respect.

I have always felt so strongly about this that I made a point of treating my lady friends in a way I saw as “equal,” or better yet, deferential.  For example, if the subject of what to have for dinner came up, I would respectfully ask, “Well, what would you like this evening, dear?”  If the question of where to go on vacation came up, I would first defer to the lady’s taste.

I understood this behavior as the verbal equivalent of opening the door for a lady and letting her pass first – a sign of respect.

However, I eventually figured out that my verbal deference was not seen as a sign of respect by most women, but rather as a sign of weakness!

What I have learned over time is that, the more that I treated many women in this deferential way, the less interested in me they became.  Many, especially the stronger women, seemed to like the “bad boys”.  This completely confused me.

Why did these women act that way?  Well, we’ll never know exactly why in any specific case.  However, psychologists have determined that many women can be instinctively attracted to men who are decisive, take charge, and whose life does not revolve around them.

In the past, women were attracted to men who were likely to be leaders, because leaders had a better chance for survival in the prehistoric world.  Leaders would make sure that a woman’s offspring got fed and weren’t eaten by wild beasts.

In those days, there was likely little difference between a leader and a thug.  Thugs had the physical strength and ability to intimidate that was required for a leader.  This is the instinctive basis for a woman’s attraction to “bad boys,” even if those guys aren’t very likely to be the leader of anything these days.  And even if those bad boys don’t really treat her very well.  A woman’s instinct leaned more towards ensuring basic survival than it did towards preserving her happiness.

Today, women can overcome this outmoded instinctive drive with good sense.  However, that does not mean that they always do it.  Even smart women fall into this trap.

Of course, men are not taught all of this ancient history when they begin to court the feminine race.  And dominating male behavior was exactly contradictary to what these same women apparently thought that they wanted in a man.  So when a woman who said that she wanted a sweet man who treats her right dumps you for the “bad boy,” a guy starts to think that the woman was being less than truthful with him.

So, how is an honest and respectful guy to deal with this?  Should he act the “bad guy” role so that he can compete?

No one should be disingenuous in their relationships.  You must be your true self.

But I suggest that when a woman asks a man “Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?”, a man should NOT say, “Oh, wherever you want, dear.”  A woman might want to hear “Let’s go to the Thai place.”

I’m not saying that women want to be dominated.  They want to be respected.  They want their opinion to weigh equally in a relationship.  And if a woman who is worth her salt even suspects that you don’t fully respect her, your relationship just ended, bud.

However, when it comes to acting decisively, more often than not, women want their man to just make a decision and put an end to the discussion.  A woman often unconsciously wants to enjoy the uniquely feminine role of fickleness, and she can’t indulge in this if her man insists on being “respectful” and refusing to make a decision for both of you.

Let her indulge.  Make the decisions.  If she protests, you will quickly know whether the protest is sincere or not.  Understand that this is a game.  She will let you know in subtle (or not so subtle) ways when you should defer to her opinion.  Otherwise, let her be a woman.  She’ll love you all the more for it.

This is what has worked out for me.  And I learned all of this the hard way.  I thought it only fair that these secrets to a woman’s mind be passed on to my masculine brothers in the hope that their relationships might be improved and their lady friends might be just a bit more satisfied.

I hope that this helps in your relationship as well.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Do you ever find yourself thinking about your life in terms of what your life was like before you had kids and what it is like now?

How has your life changed after bringing those little bundles into the world?

Be honest. I think that some people are almost afraid to admit to themselves that having kids can have a down side. Yet the degree to which your lifestyle has changed for the worse since your kids came along is the measure of the “sacrifice” that you are making to ensure that your kids have the best possible upbringing.

Right?

WRONG!

If you learn nothing else from me, please take this point to heart, and repeat it over and over to yourself each day:

The way to be the best possible parent that you can be is to be the best possible person that you can be, and to live the best possible life that you can live, everyday.

If you measure the quality of your parenting by how much you sacrifice for your children, then I propose that you are not being the best parent that you can be. And, you are not living the happiest life that you can live for yourself.

Raising great kids does not require that parents cease being people. It simply requires that parents be aware that everything that they do is being carefully watched and memorized by their young ones.

So, when you are finally ready to stop being bored, tired and frustrated with your lot in life, just remember that you can’t use the arrival of kids in your life as an excuse. There is no excuse to not living your life fully and completely.

So, are you ready to start living yet?

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

There is a huge difference between being on vacation and adopting a creative family lifestyle, though, to people on the outside, that difference may not be readily apparent.

Being on vacation is inherently temporary. It is a break from your normal, proper routine. It is an attempt to recharge your batteries so that you can again hunker down and do what you “must” do.

Living a creative family lifestyle is nothing like this at all.

First, a creative family lifestyle is permanent. Or at least the attitude is. You might change the character of your daily activities, but the attitude and thus approach to daily living is permanent.

Second, your creative family lifestyle is your normal life. It’s not just another temporary jolt to get you back into the ring. It is the “ring.” You just may not be living your life in the way those around you might have expected you to when they knew you “before” you made the transition.

What living a creative family lifestyle does have in common with vacation is the relaxed approach folks take to life, which I suspect is a more natural living stance than the one most people take day-to-day. Smiles are also a typically common element. Time has less relevance to us (I haven’t worn a watch for years and have difficulty remembering the day or date most of the time).

The types of daily activities that you engage in while living your creative family lifestyle may be similar to those most folks might reserve for vacation time, as they are often not directly connected to making money. Yet those of us who adopt a creative family lifestyle often do quite well financially. We have simply chosen to develop sources of income that do not require constant baby-sitting or personally solving other people’s problem.

And we never sell hours out of our day. Sell your knowledge, for example, and you can resell it forever. Hours from your day are the stuff that life is made of, and are thus far too precious to sell to anyone.

Vacations can have a “ten countries in five days” sort of character that values quantity over quality. When you live a creative family lifestyle, your time is truly yours and it is infinite, so there is no reason to hurry anywhere.

Life is not a basket into which experiences are quickly thrown for later examination, like photographs. Life is here. Now. And we live and experience it for all that it is, now. Not all that it was or might someday be.

So remember, do not imagine a creative family lifestyle as one long vacation. It is not. It is something much more exciting and fulfilling.

Talk to you again soon,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I think that most people would not find me particularly adventurous. I don’t climb mountains or bike across a continent. Often my “adventures” are more cerebral.

When I speak about adventure, I think that most people react to and perceive that word much as I typically do. They imagine physically dangerous or rigorous activities. They think adrenaline must be the primary component of adventure.

However, I’m not talking about that sort of adventure. Certainly, such activities could be quite adventurous. Unless your day job is mountain rescue or cross country transport. In which cases such activities might even become a bit routine.

Adventure in the context that I promote it is the activity of moving outside of your comfort zone for the specific purpose of pursuing your deeply held dreams. It does generally involve taking perceived risks, although those risks, like changing a job or selling everything to live on a boat in Tahiti, are often not of the life threatening type.

In fact, the biggest perceived risk for most adventurers of my ilk is a fear of ridicule or non-acceptance by our family and friends. A fear that we won’t garner the permission of those around us today to strikeout and live a life that holds true meaning for us but that they may just never understand.

I make this pointed distinction in my definition of adventure because I don’t want some folks who have no adrenaline addiction or desire for physical challenge to overlook my message.

There are dozens of media out there talking about the finer points of adventure sports. I am not one of those. My message is to your heart. My mission is to rekindle the “true you” that is living deep down inside of you, and to help you to refocus a life that the acceptance of adult responsibilities has turned astray. I am trying to reach all “adventurers in spirit.”

I am also determined to burst false and outdated teachings that many of us accept without question. Such as the idea that adventure is for kids. And that adulthood is one long misery laden responsibility after another, followed by a “glorious” retirement that never actually arrives.

Such viewpoints affect people’s attitudes toward their children, turning them into impediments to true happiness, rather than embracing them as the co-travelers on the road to discovery that they really are.

I hope that all of you adventurers in spirit will stick with me on this journey of discovery! I know that you will not be disappointed!

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of stillness in our lives.

Today I write about the importance of action!

Bottom line, when it comes to practical success, a predilection to action is far more important than skill, knowledge, or talent. The world is full of incredibly able people who achieve little of what is important to them. And the world is also full of people who are dumber than you, less talented than you, less skilled than you, and much richer than you.

Why is that?

In my experience, successful people shoot first and ask questions later. And the rest of the world generally gets out of their way. They know how to focus their energies and abilities at just the right moment and with just enough effort to overcome any obstacles that they may face.

There is a time for everything. There is a time for quiet stillness. And there is a time for focused action. Most people’s lives are filled instead with unfocused busy work and confused laziness.

Wanna be a success in life? Get control of your mind. Learn how to be quiet and loud at the moments that best serve your purposes. And you will get what you want.

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

“Most of man’s troubles grow out of the fact that he can’t be still.”

I saw this quote, or something close to it, on a church sign while driving home from the store today. Of course, it got me thinking.

I believe that one of the greatest achievements that a human being can accomplish in today’s world is to be able to spend an extended period of time alone, and still, without substantial external stimulation, and yet remain sane, alert, and at peace.

Our world is one addicted to outside stimulation. Our kids start from an early age with TV commercials, noisy toys, and by annoying each other. The goal seems to be to avoid empty quiet. It’s almost as if we as humans begin life with the fear that if we sit in silence too long, we’ll die.

What are we afraid of?

What is it about stillness and peace that terrifies us so? What do we really fear will happen if we do not receive regular jolts of noisy, chaotic stimulation?

I suspect that we are addicts to the chemical release that comes from these jolts. Perhaps we are all, to some extent, “adrenaline junkies?” Perhaps we fear going through withdrawal, which we call “boredom,” if we fail to receive our regular hits of chaos?

I recall telling my kids that boredom is the greatest gift that life can give you, for it forces you to stop hiding amongst all of the stimulating noise and to actually get to know yourself a bit better.

It is in boredom that we learn to satisfy ourselves without the need for outside stimulation. And it is this ability to satisfy our own needs that provides us with the ultimate freedom in our lives – to be at peace without the need for anyone else to do anything.

To know that you can have what you need and no one else can prevent that from happening is the ultimate power rush. It is the ultimate sense of self control. When nothing can prevent you from being at peace, no one can get to you. No one else can push your buttons. You can laugh at things that terrify others.

A great deal of good can come from action. There are times when standing still is the worst thing that you can do. But there are other times when sitting in stillness is the most powerful act that you can take.

Why don’t you try it sometime and see for yourself?

All the best,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

As a parent, I sometimes think about what kind of advice I will give my kids when they begin dating, and looking for a special someone in their lives.

Of course, my children are still young. Nevertheless, you’re talking to the guy who was checking out private school options in my community years before I got married. I wasn’t in a hurry to have kids, mind you. I just like to be prepared.

One of the thoughts that I had recently along these lines was that people really have no business getting into a serious relationship with somebody until they already have secured a successful relationship with themselves.

I know that in my marriage things have not always gone smoothly. And my wife and I have responded proactively with marriage counseling on and off for over eight years.

The biggest thing that I learned from this counseling was that, although I generally went into it with the idea that something was wrong with her and that she needed to change, I always came out of these sessions realizing that the real problems lay inside of me. Unresolved issues. Fears that I had never faced. Or just the fact that I really did not understand myself as well as I thought that I did. Couples counseling always morphed into individual counseling. And we both grew up a lot as a result.

Ultimately I have come to believe that the greatest and most important relationship that you must cultivate during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. Only when you are comfortable with the whole of who you are can you have a truly powerful and lasting relationship with another.

So when my kids get ready to get serious about someone, I’m going to advise them that any baggage that they carry today will just come back to haunt them later in their new relationship.

Wanna meet a great guy or gal? Sure, clean yourself up. Get buff. Dress sharply. But if you really want to get in shape for the dating scene, learn to love you. Accept yourself fully. Deal with your baggage so that your new loved one won’t have to. It’s the greatest gift that you will ever give to them. And to you.

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

Dear Friend,

I got a nice note today from Stuart Wickes of the Family Adventure Project (http://familyadventureproject.blogspot.com).

Stuart was commenting on my last post about pre-trip anxiety. I guess that’s why I have a headache tonight after being out all day tying up loose ends before we shove off!

I was reading Stuart’s blog and I loved a list that he had made of the mindset necessary for a happy family journey. I agree with him completely on this, and (with your kind indulgence, Stuart) have repeated his list verbatim below:

1 Positive attitude(!)
2 Patience and flexibility.
3 Determination (but only if you really want to get there)
4 Imagination (to overcome whatever obstacles you encounter)
5 Good route choices (safe, quiet= enjoyable, past interesting things to stop at)
6 Clear goals everyday (that everyone’s on board with)
7 Keep everyone looking ahead (things to look forward to: today, in a few days, this week, next)
8 Well managed expectations (about hills, hard days, easy days, when to stop, where to stay)
9 Staying open to unexpected (even if it slows you down or takes you off route)
10 Accommodating everyone’s needs (the hardest but probably most important)

Would you add anything else? What do you think?

Please give me (and Stuart) your thoughts!

All the best,

Hugh