Can You Hear It?

Dear Friend,

Listen to the little sounds.  They carry the most powerful messages.

As I grow more mature, and learn to ignore the background noise that is the majority of my life, I hear things.  Simple things.  Natural sounds like those of the wind and the rain.  Or man-made sounds.  It doesn’t seem to matter.

I often find that, when I take a moment to listen to these sounds, without attempting to assign a label to any of it, that these sounds communicate with me in some meaningful way.

I know that sounds odd, but it’s the best way that I can explain it.  In fact, it is when I open myself to these sounds without judgment that I realize how possible so many things are that our rational mind is so quick to dismiss.

The fact that I perceive some sort of message from otherwise innate sound, for example, makes sense only if you are open to the idea that, although the source of the sound itself may not be alive, that source does seem to be an integral part of a living, conscious Universe.  Perhaps these are messages from a higher level of my own consciousness?  Or perhaps this is the voice of God?

It seems that anything and everything can carry a message that we need to take notice of.  I suppose then that I am hearing what I need to be hearing.

If this stuff sounds like New Age gobbledy-gook, well it may well be.  But after all of these years of absorbing mountains of knowledge, messages and perceptions such as these make more sense to me than many logical conclusions.  This simply feels true.

These communicative thoughts would never have come from my rational mind.  They just seem to appear in my mind on their own, and I accept and acknowledge them without judgment, in the same way that I accept what I see with my eyes.

I trust me.  And if me says that the wind has something to teach me, then I listen.  And if my brain thinks that is stupid, I dismiss my brain (it really isn’t nearly as smart as it thinks it is, trust me). 😉

Does any of this make any sense to you?

It does feel strange writing about it.  I suspect that this is the kind of thing better understood through direct experience.

I like to think that these experiences are really a tiny insight into a greater, more beautifully complex world, a world of higher consciousness, that is right in front of us but that we fail to recognize because we are blinded by our preconceived expectations and by our fears.

I also suspect that this other world is really just a higher level of comprehension of this same world that we today call real.  But this is a higher level of comprehension that derives from a more integrated rational/emotional human perspective than has existed in the past.  A perception that allows for more hope and love while requiring less fear and desperation.

Perhaps it’s time for a better understanding of the true nature of things that finally convinces us that it’s OK to relax.  That we have nothing to fear.  That everything really is going to be alright.

I hope that noticing these subtle sounds from the other side may be the first tiny crack in the veil that separates us from understanding ourselves and our world better.

As much as I love and enjoy my mind, I believe that it is the reasoning mind, untempered by a fully integrated emotional you, that is the source of the fear that drives us to destroy ourselves and each other.

Since I believe that fear is the primary cause of war, famine, disease and misery in this world, I intend to keep listening to those subtle, simple, silly little sounds, in the hope that their message to my heart will teach me the road to real peace.

Hope some of that made sense.

All the best,

Hugh

Kiss My Heiney Butt!

Dear Friend,

We all have to face critics once in a while.

When you are living a lifestyle that is a little different than most, you are bound to run into those resident know-it-alls who have appointed themselves the authorities on how everyone else ought to be living.

When you run into these folks, you just need to remember that the best way to respond to critics is to:  1.) ignore them if their criticism holds little water, 2.) engage them in honest dialogue if you think that they might have a point and you have the time to talk, or 3.) just invite them to plant a smooch on your right cheek if they are screwing with you or are trying to dominate you.

The world is full of the latter group.  Some are just harmless busybodies.  Others find their way into the highest levels of organizations like the Soviet Communist Party or the Nazi party of Germany in the 1930s and 40s.  In these latter roles they decide who is fit to live and who is not.

I make a point of avoiding any showing of emotional reaction to these people.  If they are worth the effort of a dialogue, they will respect you much more if you ignore their incitements and stick to making your case.  If they are just idiots, I prefer not to give them the satisfaction of thinking that they got to me emotionally.

Regardless of what you do, never submit to unwarranted criticism.  You don’t have to argue every comment.  But don’t belittle yourself and your lifestyle by making excuses for it either.

You have every right to be you.  And others have no right whatsoever to judge you.  They will do it anyway, of course.

Who cares?  You just keep on being you.

All the best,

Hugh

Money on My Mind

Dear Friend,

I’ve been a bit negligent lately in posting.

Since we’ve been back home, I’ve had appointments everyday to try and catch up on business and medical matters that we had neglected while we were on the road.  Not really exciting stuff to post about.

I had a nice talk with my eleven-year-old last night.  He is already getting bored, as I am.  And he said he was finding himself slipping back into the consumerist lifestyle – you know, gotta have this, gotta have that.

It’s hard not to backslide.  Especially during the holidays, when everyone seems to be spending money that they really don’t have.

One of the newsletters that I subscribe to says that this is the time to hit Mexico.  Bad press, combined with the slumping US economy has left them hurting for visitors.  That usually means deals.  And if things aren’t crowded, you can enjoy the best stuff for less.

So, that’s where my mind is.  There, and on money, of course.

With this economy, it’s hard not to think about money.  We own two homes right now, as our old home never sold after we moved out.  I’m sure that many of you can identify with that.

Even when you believe that the numbers work, it’s hard to get comfy and relax about travel when you don’t have that cushion of security.

Nevertheless, my kids are getting older everyday, as am I.  I will not let passing conditions, like economics, stand in the way of going forward with the life I was meant to live.  Or the life they deserve to experience.

Plus, I understand that you can live like a king these days in a luxury resort in Mexico, Ecuador or Brazil for about $500 to $1000 a month.  That pretty cheap for the good life.  These aren’t dumps in some high crime area, mind you.  We’re talking about high style, with a maid, three or four bedrooms, high speed Internet, and all the shopping that you need close by.  Some of these places have beachfront views or are in perfect mountain environments where it practically never rains or gets too cold or hot.

Perhaps the Universe is acting like tired parents who want to kick us out of the house so we can finally get a life.  Except the house I’m talking about is our sheltered world in Anglo North America.

I suspect that one of the results of today’s economic shock will be the movement of people overseas who, a few years ago, would never have imagined moving out of the States.  Perhaps that’s a good thing, in the long run.

Anyway, I’ll try to get with you more frequently as these boring appointments on my schedule taper off.

All the best,

Hugh

Your Partner Should Be Your Refuge

Dear Friend,

There are many things that you can focus on to become a better parent to your children.  But one of these has nothing to do – at least not directly – with how you relate to your child.

“Satisfied spouses make the best parents.”

I posted that statement on Twitter recently, and received a great response from folks.

The truth is, if your personal life is not happy and settled, it’s going to be difficult to really focus on your relationship with your child.

I see so many people (mostly moms) who practically abandon their husbands in their enthusiasm to be the “perfect” mother.  Their attitude seems to be, “He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself,” or “He’s always demanding my attention.  He’s worse than a kid!”

The reality is that when you follow the path that these mothers are going down, you are tearing down one key foundation for your child, even while you are frantically building another.

A happy, satisfied marriage creates parents who feel confident and stable enough to really relax and focus on their role as a parent.  A rocky marriage creates distracted and emotionally nervous parents who are too wrapped up in their own drama to really become aware of the children around them.

Lord knows that marriage (or any partnership that raises children) is difficult and complex.  And when you take a typically new relationship and throw kids on top of it, it is no wonder that so many children live in single-parent homes or with step-parents.

People get overwhelmed.  Dads are overwhelmed by feeling abandoned by their wives, while those wives are overwhelmed by their new role, assumed responsibilities, and a feeling of terror that they might make a serious mistake and hurt their new child.

Society bombards us with mountains of conflicting instructions on how to be a parent.  New parents are overwhelmed by all of this.

Add the regular (but now heightened) pressure to keep the money flowing and to keep up with the Joneses, and relationships have little chance to adding satisfaction to the lives of those in them.

I would argue that most marriages are net sources of stress on the partners during this time in their lives, rather than the refuges of peace from a chaotic world that they ought to be.

Divorce is simply an attempt by some to stop the mad chaos and stress in their lives, if only for a moment, and restart the clock at a more manageable rate.  The romance that a straying partner experiences is what he or she needs, but can’t seem to get anymore, from their marriage.

Can marriage with children ever really be a satisfying experience for a spouse?  Yes, I think that it can.  But the first step must be to stop the chaos.

We bring the chaos on ourselves.  We do what we think we are supposed to do.  Moms are supposed to be “super moms,” and dads are supposed to be strong and successful, bringing home the bacon while acting as a wise sage to the children.

This image of parenthood that we have is the cause of many divorces, and of a huge amount of personal misery and unnecessary legal bills and financial distress.

And ugly parent break-ups are a huge source of stress and, essentially, bad parenting by those same parents.

Do you want to be a great parent?

Step One:  Relax.  Kids are durable.  They don’t need you to be super mom or dad.  They just need you.

That leads to Step Two:  Focus on you.  Make sure that you do not lose yourself in your role as a parent, even if you enjoy it.  Kids need parents who are happy, so focus first on ensuring that you and your spouse are happy and satisfied in your life.  And let your kids watch how you do it.  You are now modeling behavior for your children.

Kids are copy-cats.  Monkey-see, monkey-do.  That’s the primary way that they learn.  Want them to live a satisfying life?  Start by living one yourself.

Step Three:  Since you are happy, you will be more relaxed in the now.  This prepares you for entrance into the world of your children.  Spend time with them.  Make time for them – for your relationship with them.  Get down to their level and really climb into their world.  Listen with true interest to what they have to say.  And remember that, to them, this goo-goo blather is serious business.  Show them that you respect and love them by sharing your undivided attention with them for a little while each day.

They don’t need you every minute of the day.  You do not need to feel rushed or stressed that you aren’t spending enough time with your kids.  Ten minutes of real, relaxed time at their level is better than a whole day of being in the same room with your kids but not really listening to them.

Being a great parent is easier than you think.  It just requires you to be a happier, more satisfied, less rushed you.

All the best,

Hugh

Closer, Stronger, Happier & Healthier

Dear Friend,

The other day my mother-in-law stopped by to visit and say “Hi” after our long absence from the area.  She also babysat while my wife and I hit a wedding.

Apparently she took some time to visit with my youngest son.  I did not know this, but she had been a bit concerned about him.  In the past he has had issues with acting out and “not playing nice.”  And she was concerned.

When my wife and I returned from the wedding, my mother-in-law took my wife aside and just raved about how well my son seemed to be doing.  His whole attitude had changed for the better, she said.  He was warmer and more affectionate.  “Whatever you’re doing, just keep it up.  It’s working,” she said.

The only thing different about my son’s life since my mother-in-law had last seen him was that we just completed our four-month road trip.

I realized other things now too.  The kids used to fight a lot more than they do now.  Sure, thy squabble a bit, but they aren’t as bitter towards each other.  Now they seem to be a real team.  They play nice.  And they really seem to enjoy each others’ company.

Being closer to my family has brought my family closer.  It has made my family stronger.  And it has made every one of us happier and healthier.

Try it for yourself.  Take a break from your “life” and never go back.  It does wonders!  😉

All the best,

Hugh

Could This Be You?!?

Dear Friend,

There seem to be two kinds of people in this world.

There are those who, when they want something to occur, they roll up their sleeves and do their best to make it happen.  Let’s call these folks entrepreneurs.

And then there are those who, when they want the very same thing, wait for someone else to make it happen.  This latter group is also quite likely to b*tch and moan if things don’t turn out exactly as they wanted.  Let’s call these folks consumers.

Now this seems like an obvious point.  Some might say that the first group is hard working and the second group is lazy.  But I don’t think so.  Many very hard working people make up the latter group.

The issue separating these two groups isn’t laziness, it’s programming.

Our modern culture does its best to turn us all into consumers.  Here’s how that works:

Without realizing it, our function as consumers in our consumer-based society is to slave away at some menial job in order to make just enough money to buy all of the stuff that we want.

We want this stuff because we are surrounded by messages telling us that we need this stuff.  That it will make us feel better – at least for a while.  And we surely want to feel better, because we really aren’t happy with our lives, though we don’t know why.  And everyone else is buying it.  It’s so easy to buy!  And shopping for many of us has become form of entertainment in itself

We rarely see a direct cause-and-effect relationship between what we do everyday at work and what we receive when we consume.  The things that we are convinced that we really want, which usually revolve around our desire for entertainment (and for forgetting how much we hate our job, life, etc.), are created by producer organizations.  If we don’t like the quality or value of what we receive from these organizations, we can complain to “customer service.”

Our world has become so big, fast and complex that we feel completely removed from the process of production.  Even if we produce products or services ourselves, typically what we produce is only one small piece of a very big whole.

For example, in our specialization-focused society, the idea of making your own movie because the one you just saw sucked is considered absurd.  No one person can produce a Hollywood blockbuster, right?  You wouldn’t even know how to begin.  And you don’t want to make movies.  You don’t have the time, money or desire to do so.  You just want to get lost in one so that you can vicariously live a more exciting life, if only just for two hours or so.

This consumer lifestyle system is a self sustaining loop.  Remember that “menial” job that I mentioned?  It is most likely for some business, either your own or another, that supports, directly or indirectly, the production of the entertainment-oriented services and products that you and your neighbors buy.  Why?  Because that’s where the money is today.

Here’s the main problem with a society based on this consumerist model.

It inevitably leads to a society based on class.  There is the class that controls the entertainment-producing industries, and then there are the rest of us who consume entertainment-related services.

Because of an imbalance of financial influence and power, Government naturally evolves to become a tool used by those producer organizations and individuals who are now in control to extract special benefits for themselves and their friends, at the eventual expense of the same consumers who buy their products.  Government becomes just another tool for squeezing more money out of their customers.

The consumers are a class of milk cows, who produce a flow of cash instead of milk, and those who control production are the farm owners, who collect the cash and own the whole system.

If you love your life as a milk cow, then I suppose that there is no problem.  But most people do not love this lifestyle.  Yet they have no idea that any other lifestyle option even exists – except perhaps for a fleeting glimpse they might get on this blog, for example. 😉  Folks are like farm animals who do not know that any world exists outside of the farm.  What’s the point of resisting, it’ll only antagonize everyone else and make waves.  You can’t really change anything.  It’s all just too big.

This kind of societal arrangement (using slightly different analogies) was the subject of a book that I recently read titled, “The Coming Aristocracy,” by Oliver DeMille (2009, The Center for Social Leadership).

Why am I talking about what seems essentially to be a political subject when “politics” is not the subject of my blog?

I was struck by the fact that an attitude of self starting – of taking charge of your own future and making it happen – was described as an entrepreneurial attitude.  The consumer attitude that is apparently being programmed into so many of us is precisely counter to the entrepreneurial attitude that we all must adopt if we want to take charge of our lives and really be free – to achieve our true life dreams.

Perhaps one of the greatest contributing factors to most folk’s failure to start down the road to living their dream life is that they are caught in the self-sustaining consumerist life loop that is the job-salary-buy cycle that so many of us live every day.

If each of us is to transition from our current consumerist lifestyle rut to a lifestyle that is attuned to our true selves, we must intentionally become aware of, and then consciously reject, much of the popular consumerist culture that surrounds us.  We must become entrepreneurs for our own future.

We also must choose to appear strange to our neighbors.  To be different.  And for those of us who like to blend in, that may be a big barrier to going down your true life’s road.

Nevertheless, if you want to follow your true life’s path, I suggest that you get used to the idea of being seen as a strange bird by your consumerist neighbors for a while.  This is the price (one of them, anyway) for being you.

The popular media are an important part of the consumerist programming apparatus.  So a good way to get started down the road to a self-directed, self-designed lifestyle is to turn off the consumerist messages (as much as you can) that bombard you everyday.

Turn off the TV.  Turn off talk radio. And if you are like me, turn off the hype that is the daily news and the political scene.

I used to be a real political junkie.  I now believe that politics is a trap, and a waste of my energies.  I focus directly on what really matters to me.  On my own life and on those of my family.

Now that you understand how the system works, you are in a much better position to resist being passively programmed and to instead start your own entrepreneurial effort that we like to call life.

I wish you all the best,

Hugh

Raindrops

Dear Friend,

It’s raining here again.

Apparently it has done little else since we left this place over four months ago.

The ground is saturated and walking is difficult without sinking into the mud.  My daughter is afraid of the sound of the rain against her window.  And the roaring sound of the wind through the trees.  So she’s been camping out in our room lately.

But I like these sounds.  I like it when nature talks to me without being called upon to do so.  I try to listen and hear what she has to say.

Tonight she seems restless.  And sad.

And cold.

We all have those nights, I guess.

I hope that all is cozy and warm at your house.

All the best,

Hugh

Just a Moment of Your Time...

Dear Friend,

One of the mottoes that I like to live by goes something like this:

Leave the world a better place than you found it, your community a better home than when you arrived, and others happier than when you met them.

This is the message that I hope that my kids will live by.  It is simple, and can be easily adapted by anyone to any lifestyle.

What better way to live, and to feel that you have made a positive difference in the world, than to leave a little shine on everything and everyone that you meet?

When it comes to people, what seems to make them happiest is some genuine attention.

It seems that the more we are acknowledged by others, the more we exist.  Even a tree seems to shimmer when you take a moment to really notice it.  Imagine how a loved one feels when you do the same for them.

The holidays are coming.  Want to give your family a thrill?  Forget dropping a wad at the toy store.  Start to give each one of them a few moments a day of your undivided attention.  Not half an ear while you watch the ballgame.  Your complete, focused attention.  Act as though you really care.  Hopefully you do.

No matter what you do everyday, it is the small moments that matter most.  Those little times when your attention is focused on one thing, or one other person.

Give your undivided attention to whatever it is that you happen to be sharing space with.  This simple act alone will leave most of the universe’s creatures thrilled.

And leave everything that you touch a little nicer.

Let that be your legacy.

All the best,

Hugh

A Very Long Drive...

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you from my big comfy bed in Virginia.

That’s right, we dropped the Warrior off at the RV doctor’s in Texas and drove a 15 passenger rented van full ‘o junk back to our house so that we could trash it with all of this stuff we have bought along the way.

Usually we do not do big drives.  I usually get tired early.  But with the kids moaning that the van wasn’t as cool as the motorhome, and memories of the pain of stopping at hotels with four kids, we just decided to make a run for it.

I haven’t seen so many cops since I don’t know when!  We saw five times as many cops on this run than we have seen during our entire journey up until now.  But we don’t speed, so it wasn’t a problem.  In fact, the speed limits were so high (65-75 MPH all the way) and the roads were generally so good that driving was easy and other drivers were courteous.

Our house is beautiful, and clean, and HUGE after living in an RV for four months.

Before we left home on our journey the kids would hang out upstairs on weekends in their playroom and I’d be downstairs watching the History Channel or something.  But after arriving home, I found it more comfortable to hang out upstairs with them for a bit.  It just felt more normal for some reason.

I can feel how I could slip back into my old habits, however.  And I don’t want to.  I am bored already, and itching to get back on the road.

And wouldn’t you know it, one of our neighbors just purchased a beautiful new sailboat.  It’s really big.  They run a sailing school, so it might be for that.

I could live in that boat!  Hmmmm.

I’m counting the days until the next round of travel.  But first there is Christmas…

Talk to you soon,

Hugh