Dear Friend,
What stands between you and a fantastic family lifestyle?
Two weeks ago I posed a question to my readers: “What’s keeping you from living the life you really want? Right now. Today. Immediately.”
First, I want to sincerely thank everyone who responded for your outpouring of honest frustration. I feel for you because I’ve been there.
My point with this exercise was to get folks to closely examine their own situation and identify their real barriers to living the good life.
Below I have encapsulated the responses I received into three types of family lifestyle design barriers: 1. Ghost Barriers, 2. Financial Barriers, and 3. Relationship Barriers.
Ghost Barriers
There are two types of barriers people imagine when they consider how to transition from one family lifestyle to another. Real and “ghost” barriers
Ghost barriers are things we just sort of assume are going to be a problem, but honestly don’t know for sure.
When we have that brief moment of consideration after hearing questions like mine, those ghost barriers are often placed right beside the real ones, creating what looks like a brick wall between us and the family lifestyle we really want.
This exercise is designed to get you to challenge your perceived barriers – to sound them out. In the end you should have a good idea what challenges are real and which are not, and can begin formulating a strategy to approach the real ones.
Financial Barriers – “Ain’t Got No Money”
Several of you noted finances as a barrier to going forward. But in most cases there seemed to be strategies and plans in place to deal with the problem.
Consider the following points while you decide how to tackle this barrier:
Surprisingly Low Cost of Living
Living your dream family lifestyle may be much cheaper than living the way you live today. So don’t necessarily assume that you will need the same income as you do now.
In our case we’ve found that while on the road we spend much less in stores and restaurants. We just live more cheaply. I’m not exactly sure why this is, or if it’s just a perception. Maybe when we are in our house it feels like the old days when money flowed, and we slip back into old spending habits? Who knows?
This change in spending behavior didn’t happen right away. At first, we behaved like tourists. We bought lots of souvenirs and ate out all the time. But when it began to sink in that we weren’t on vacation – that this was our normal life – we settled down and spent much less.
Renting Out Your Home
Some of you have old commitments, such as homes and other large purchases from the past with big loans attached. In today’s marketplace, it can take years to sell what before may have sold in a week.
For you folks I simply suggest that you be open to possibilities such as renting out your home to help cover the mortgage while you are elsewhere doing other things.
Many folks are renting their primary homes out these days, and with more people unable to keep their homes due to repossessions, divorce, and other issues, the number of renters in the marketplace is increasing.
But where would you and your family live?
We generally assume that leaving our primary home is an expensive choice. We’d be paying for housing twice – for our empty house as well as hotel expenses, for example.
But this doesn’t have to be true. In fact, many folks already live in exciting new locations without adding any net expenses. And some even profit from the process!
House Swapping
Another possibility is to turn that anchor around you neck you call a house into an asset. Consider house swapping. It’s been done for years with impressive results.
You can trade your house with some else who wants or needs to be where you live. It’s not permanent – though I assume it could be if you wanted. There is always somebody interested in living where you are tired of living, and house swapping makes that possible very quickly.
In today’s markets, there are an incredible number of gorgeous homes just sitting, waiting to be sold. The owners would love to sell or rent, but they might be willing to swap instead, so they can speed up their moving plans.
You don’t have to swap just once. Some folks travel the world swapping their homes for the homes of others. Many of these are vacation homes located in exotic locales.
Check out the Home Xchange Vacations website for examples of what I’m talking about. Registration there is free.
Working for Your Dream Family Lifestyle
You can reduce your net cash outflow while living a new and exciting family lifestyle in a totally new environment.
Be open to living in campgrounds or marinas as a workcamper, or as an off-season home caretaker, where housing could be very cheap or even free.
Relationship Barriers
“My Family’s Not Interested”
Your family may not seem as interested in your dream lifestyle as you are. There are several possible reasons for this – not all of them bad.
“It Can’t Be Done”
Most folks will like the idea of living a more carefree family lifestyle, but they may not believe that it’s realistically possible.
If this is your situation, you need to start learning everything you possibly can about ways that this transformation can happen for your family. It will be up to you to build an unimpeachable case for your loved ones that it is possible, that people worldwide are taking the leap every day, and your family can do it, too.
For you I suggest that you study my book, Families Without Limits, read archived posts here at The Way of the Passionate Warrior, and sign up for Family Lifestyle Academy when registration opens.
You’ve got some work to do.
“They Prefer Our Current Family Lifestyle”
If you find yourself in the difficult position of having loved ones who have no interest in your lifestyle dreams, then you have some choices to make.
You may have to leave your spouse behind while you trek the world or volunteer in Africa or whatever your dream lifestyle is. Be prepared for that possibility.
It’s possible that, after watching you do this and hearing your stories and seeing the new energy and life in your eyes, their attitude will change. This is leading by example.
If they insist that you live in their world and stop all this foolish talk about lifestyle change, then you need to assert yourself.
Your family members are being selfish. Everyone deserves to have their dreams acknowledged and respected, even if they are not shared. To disrespect your dreams is to deny who you really are, and that is dysfunctional.
In the end, if you decide to deny your dreams because your family prefers that you do, you are saying to yourself and the world that you aren’t worthy – which is crap.
Way too many people choose this path, and it’s a cop out. You can blame your family, and they carry some fault. But the real fault lies with you. It is your responsibility to live your life. And you can’t always do that with the ones you love. That’s OK.
Your family does not have to sacrifice their lives to indulge your dreams, and neither do you have to do this. It’s nice if you can take turns for short periods, but it’s not reasonable to expect these forays to be permanent if their heart isn’t in it.
Speak up. Assert yourself. And communicate what really matters to you to your loved ones. If you are typically more passive in your relationships, you may not have effectively communicated how important this matter is to you. You need to do that.
Give your loved ones a chance to respond. And don’t let them blow you off. Be gentle but persistent. Conflict won’t work, but gentle persistence always does. With this approach, you will get to the truth.
Don’t be afraid of the truth. Don’t fear confirmation of your fears. Nothing is worse than imagining the worst but not knowing, so find some courage and give it a shot.
It’s All About Getting There Faster
With some creativity, there are ways that you can speed up your departure date to a better life. But you have to be open. And flexible.
The more willing you are to consider unconventional solutions, the faster you can stop dreaming and start living!
Talk to you soon!
Hugh
