4 Facts Kids Wish Their Parents Knew

They Just Need You

Dear Friend,

We parents think that raising kids is so hard.

But what most of us don’t realize is that we don’t really raise kids.  Kids grow all by themselves. As parents, we protect and mentor kids.  That is all.

This common confusion is one of the reasons that parents work so hard at parenting, but aren’t always satisfied that they did the best job they could do.

Kids understand more than you think.  Though perhaps not consciously.

Children can teach us most of what we need to know in order to be terrific parents, if we would just let them.

Consider the following four facts that every kid wishes his parents understood.  Master these four facts, and you can graduate to uber-parent in the eyes of your children.

Fact #1 “You are our heros.” No matter what we say, or how old we are, our parents are our heros (or perhaps, anti-heros).  We as parents have the most profound influence on our children.  Others will affect them.  But nobody has the impact, good or bad, like you do on your own kids.

Fact #2 “We don’t need a SuperMom or SuperDad.” Your kids don’t need your attention every minute.  They don’t need toys and goodies (though they’d never admit it).  They don’t need a wealthy lifestyle.  What they need from you is just a few moments of your undivided attention each day.

They also need the opportunity to observe you first hand as you live out your own, authentic life.  A life worth of copying.  Or a lesson in what not to do. Either way, if you want to be a great parent, be the best possible human being that you can be.  And be as transparent with your life as you dare be with your kids.

Fact #3 “We need experiences with you much more than we need things from you.”

When you choose how to spend your spare change, choose experiences over buying things.  Skip the Nintendo and fly across the country.  Better yet, skip the big screen TV and fly to an exotic country.  Immerse your kids in life’s possibilities rather than life’s diversions.

Kids love toys.  But toys break.  Or lose their appeal. But real, life-changing experiences never leave your kids.  At first they may resist new journeys, or maybe they won’t.  Either way, let them play a major role in how you spend your journeys, and they will never stop thanking you for them.

You only have a few years with your children.  And those home entertainment centers just get better and cheaper later on.  Buy yourself one as a celebration present when the last kiddo flies the coop.

Fact #4 “We learn more from watching you than we learn from a thousand school books and lectures.”

School is not a building.  Life is our school.  And the business of a kid’s life is growing up.  They can’t learn that in a classroom.  And you don’t really want them learning important lessons from strangers who may not have their best interests at heart.

The process of growing up is largely a mimicking process.  Monkey see, monkey do.  It doesn’t matter one whit what you say to your kids.  The part of their mind most imprinted upon by you as a parent cannot comprehend spoken words.  It watches.  It admires.  And it copies.  If you say one thing but do another, so will they.

This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.  There is no such thing.  It is better to make mistakes in front of your children, admit them, and move on, than it is to hide the real you from your kids because you don’t want them to know of your faults.  Life isn’t about being perfect.  It’s about how you deal with your own imperfection.  Let them watch.  And learn.

Kids can tell when you are being inauthentic.  They have a sixth sense about such things.  If you are open, they will admire you more for that openness.  If you are closed with your thoughts, they will come to think that you don’t really trust them.

When you sum all of this up, a big part of parenting is to trust your kids.

Respect them.  And listen to them.

Ultimately, you need them to trust you.  But you will have to earn that trust.

By listening and watching your children carefully, you will learn more about being a great parent than from a million parenting books.

All the best,

Hugh