All teens are different, as you know. However, most are driven by a desire to socialize with their peers.

I believe the trick is to incorporate their friends into your family activities, and to give them a lot of rope so that you don't embarrass them in front of those friends.

And let's face it, most families do very little together. You may find that the friends are thrilled to participate. We always do!

My kids are tweeners, but the older ones are already showing signs of creeping “teenitis.” So I understand your challenge completely.

Give the friend idea a try. But never push anything. They have to think that it is mostly their idea. It's just part of their budding independent streak.

Best of luck!

Hugh

Looking forward to you all joining our family on the road!

We never intentionally turned off the TV. But when we first set out on the road, we just lost interest in it. Now, except for a few favorite shows, or a movie on DVD now and then, our TVs stay off.

For us, the TV at home provided a distraction from boredom. But these days, life is rarely boring. Even when it is stressful, it isn't boring.

Maybe watching too much TV should be our signal that it's time to shake our lifestyle up a bit?

Anyway, all the best,

Hugh

Thanks for your thoughts!

You know, if my family is anything near typical, each family member can be quite unique. And sometimes personal qualities clash. This can make it hard to bring the family together in ways that are actually fun for everybody.

But is this a “problem,” or just the nature of families?

Sure, we can force our kids to participate in “obligatory” family activities, but does this really count? What is it that we are trying to achieve? Are we just trying to build a fantasy family that we modeled in our dreams, but that has no relationship to reality? And is that at all fair to the rest of our family?

This is an important set of questions that I think we have to ask ourselves this before we set out to create a closer family life. Because, to me at least, a great family is a family that likes being together. It is people who grow stronger from each others positive energy and support.

The reality is that some members of our families may never get on board. And personality conflicts are inevitable. But if having a close family is important to you, you can't force it, or make it some kind of duty or obligation. I believe that approach is poison to family cohesion. Yet it is what I see everywhere.

I really think the keys to solid family cohesion are 1) a “safe” environment at home, which means a lack of pressure to conform/acceptance for who they truly are as individuals, 2) a demand for and enforcement of basic mutual respect within the family , and 3) group activities that actually bring the family close together – that bond you.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether that was responsive to what you wrote, or was just more substance for the original post!

Anyway, thanks again for your comment!

And the best of luck with your family!

Hugh

I realize this is just a babystep towards lifestyle design or what I call “an excellent adventure.” But I'm willing to grow closer and then hit the road together in a few more months.

Denise Michaels Excellent Adventure
http://www.DeniseMichaels.com