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They Lied

Lies

They Lied

Dear Friend,

My family lied to me.

My friends.  Many others. All lies

People I was certain I could trust.  Outright lied.

People who I relied on to guide me as a child.  To teach me how to grow up and live a great life.

They all lied.

And when I finally realized it, the shock was overwhelming.

I was betrayed.

Thoughts ran through my mind.  This isn’t possible.  No way.

Then, when the truth became obvious, a numb sense of anger set in.

Revenge?  What good would that do.  Many of these people were dead.  Others long gone.

And to tell you the truth, I don’t really think any of them knew what they were doing.

They had just passed on what they had learned.  All the promises of a happy, exciting life.  All the dreams of being an Astronaut or President.  All the images of beautiful people and wonderful things.  A glamorous life.  Like on TV.

Where is it?  Why didn’t that happen to me?  And what now?

Is this all there is?

Instead it seems that my graduation presents from the school of life were disappointment, sorrow, anger, and ultimately, resignation to a sort of living death.

Practically everything that you and I learned while growing up was wrong.  Some of it dangerously wrong.

The verbal lessons about how to live, and how to treat people, some of those were OK.  Like the Golden Rule.

But those weren’t the true lessons we received.  Nobody seemed to believe in them.  The stuff that stuck with us was the stuff that we saw. The lives we watched unfolding in front of our youthful eyes.

We saw Machiavelli.  Not Jesus of Nazareth or Buddha.

These were the lives that we were bound to repeat.  And if we dared veer from those well-worn paths, we would hear about it.

You see, the way that “everyone” lives is the culture of a place.  And culture defines people.  And family.  Whether the rules of a culture are functional or not, to reject the way of a place is seen by many as a rejection of its heart – its family traditions.  It is like spitting on the ancestors.

So daring to create your own family way of life, to take your own road less traveled, is a daunting task.  It is more than a family journey.  It is a very public statement that your family refuses to be a part of the old culture.

You have discovered that many of the promises of the old family culture were lies.  Or at least they are now.

Perhaps once these old ways made sense.  But to follow them now would be to deny who you really are.  And you are daring to put your family happiness ahead of the cultural tradition of your community.

One of two things can result from this.

1.)  You make such a big impact on others in your community, through your magnetic personality and charisma, that the culture itself changes to fit more with your new ways.  The group now sees you as a leader, your family as a model of the ideal; or

2.)  Your family is rejected (sometimes violently) from the cultural community.  If you are unlucky you are made an example of.  How dare you disrespect “your” community.

It is important to realize that you are a part of many communities, whether you know it or not.  Your family, nuclear and extended.  Your neighborhood.  Your ethnic background.  All of these may make claims on you as a “member” of their communities.

Whenever you decide to embark on your own creative family lifestyle adventure, you are potentially signaling your willingness to break some of the rules of those communities.

Be ready for this.

Remember, many of those other community “members” who today reject you loudly are themselves unhappy with the way things are.  You may be surprised how many of them seek you out privately after the noise settles down for your guidance into how they, too, can embark their family on a creative family lifestyle adventure.  But this will only happen if you stand your ground.  If you dare to be you, no matter what.

It can be hard to accept disappointment with the past.  But it is one of the first steps to creating a new and glorious future for your family.

It can be hard to be the real you, no matter what.  But it is the only way to discover your life’s true purpose.

I hope you will steel yourself to this process and move forward with me.  In fact, I can’t wait!

All the best,

Hugh

{ 13 comments… add one }
  • Will May 16, 2010, 1:39 pm

    Bitter, bitter.

    Interesting really, that your choices have played no part in you dis-illusionment of modern life. I was told the same “lies” and I seem to be doing fine, and most of my friends are as well. The people that I know that have failed are the ones that wanted something for nothing.

    The fact of the matter is relatively few people <1% of US citizens
    have filed bankruptcy in the last 12 months. By the numbers Total filings 1,202,503 US Poplulation 309,284,370.

    We make our own destiny. If one chooses to live on the fringes of society one can expect to be treated as one who lives on the fringes of society.

    On a lighter note have a great trip.

  • Will May 16, 2010, 7:39 am

    Bitter, bitter.

    Interesting really, that your choices have played no part in you dis-illusionment of modern life. I was told the same “lies” and I seem to be doing fine, and most of my friends are as well. The people that I know that have failed are the ones that wanted something for nothing.

    The fact of the matter is relatively few people <1% of US citizens
    have filed bankruptcy in the last 12 months. By the numbers Total filings 1,202,503 US Poplulation 309,284,370.

    We make our own destiny. If one chooses to live on the fringes of society one can expect to be treated as one who lives on the fringes of society.

    On a lighter note have a great trip.

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 16, 2010, 3:43 pm

    Hey Will!

    The piece was tongue-in-cheek! It was over dramatized to tap into frustration that people can feel when they decide to set off on a life path of their own choosing, but discover a less-than-enthusiastic response from those around them.

    Maybe I oversold the drama part! 🙂

    Clearly personal choices determine one’s life direction. We really do make our own destiny. But we often make choices such as these without realizing how huge they are, and how they may take us in directions that don’t really suit us, simply because “everyone else” seems to be doing the same thing. It’s the lazy route, but far too many people, IMHO, do just that.

    I was also making a pitch for toleration. What are, really, the “fringes of society.” In High School, those fringes are pretty big and the acceptable world, the “cool” world, pretty small and rigid, defined by those who have the respect (deserved or not) of the mass of followers. How much better is adult society, really. We imagine much better, of course. But this piece points out that perhaps we aren’t as tolerant of individual freedom and expression as we think we are.

    Anyway, sorry if my piece was a downer!. I’m not bitter at all! Scout’s Honor! 😉

    All the best,

    Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 16, 2010, 9:43 am

    Hey Will!

    The piece was tongue-in-cheek! It was over dramatized to tap into frustration that people can feel when they decide to set off on a life path of their own choosing, but discover a less-than-enthusiastic response from those around them.

    Maybe I oversold the drama part! 🙂

    Clearly personal choices determine one’s life direction. We really do make our own destiny. But we often make choices such as these without realizing how huge they are, and how they may take us in directions that don’t really suit us, simply because “everyone else” seems to be doing the same thing. It’s the lazy route, but far too many people, IMHO, do just that.

    I was also making a pitch for toleration. What are, really, the “fringes of society.” In High School, those fringes are pretty big and the acceptable world, the “cool” world, pretty small and rigid, defined by those who have the respect (deserved or not) of the mass of followers. How much better is adult society, really. We imagine much better, of course. But this piece points out that perhaps we aren’t as tolerant of individual freedom and expression as we think we are.

    Anyway, sorry if my piece was a downer!. I’m not bitter at all! Scout’s Honor! 😉

    All the best,

    Hugh

  • Lis May 16, 2010, 5:22 pm

    A natural reaction is anger when someone lies until you realize that they lie out of weakness and fear. You choose to stand your ground and you choose to be true to who you are and what you know. You continue to keep learning instead of just regurgitating what you are taught and look what marvelous circumstances and people you attract. But, it is a dangerous thing to stay in a place of anger. It is good that you used it to create something better for yourself.
    .-= Lis´s last blog ..How to Socialize – Colin Wright Interview =-.

  • Lis May 16, 2010, 11:22 am

    A natural reaction is anger when someone lies until you realize that they lie out of weakness and fear. You choose to stand your ground and you choose to be true to who you are and what you know. You continue to keep learning instead of just regurgitating what you are taught and look what marvelous circumstances and people you attract. But, it is a dangerous thing to stay in a place of anger. It is good that you used it to create something better for yourself.
    .-= Lis´s last blog ..How to Socialize – Colin Wright Interview =-.

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 16, 2010, 8:23 pm

    You got it, Lis! 🙂
    Thanks for summing that post up beautifully!

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 16, 2010, 2:23 pm

    You got it, Lis! 🙂
    Thanks for summing that post up beautifully!

  • James Schipper May 17, 2010, 1:30 pm

    This is very well-said, tongue-in-cheek or not. Very accurate representation of my experiences.
    .-= James Schipper´s last blog ..Apple’s iPad: Can it Work for Digital Nomads and Teleworkers? =-.

  • James Schipper May 17, 2010, 7:30 am

    This is very well-said, tongue-in-cheek or not. Very accurate representation of my experiences.
    .-= James Schipper´s last blog ..Apple’s iPad: Can it Work for Digital Nomads and Teleworkers? =-.

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 17, 2010, 2:13 pm

    Hey James!

    I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all that.

    One of my goals with this piece was to “steel” people to the emotional opposition that they may come up against when they set out on a unique life path.

    A lot of people online just seem to crap rainbows all day. It is important to keep boosting people so they stay positive. But I also want to prepare them so they are not blindsided when they hit real opposition, which often comes from the very people they expect to support them.

    If people are ready for the worst kind of opposition, but they determine to go forward anyway, hopefully what they run into will not seem so bad.

    Anyway, glad you liked it!

    All the best,

    Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh May 17, 2010, 8:13 am

    Hey James!

    I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all that.

    One of my goals with this piece was to “steel” people to the emotional opposition that they may come up against when they set out on a unique life path.

    A lot of people online just seem to crap rainbows all day. It is important to keep boosting people so they stay positive. But I also want to prepare them so they are not blindsided when they hit real opposition, which often comes from the very people they expect to support them.

    If people are ready for the worst kind of opposition, but they determine to go forward anyway, hopefully what they run into will not seem so bad.

    Anyway, glad you liked it!

    All the best,

    Hugh

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