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The 7th Secret to Living the Good Life

It's Time to Fall In Love ~ With YOU!

It's Time to Fall In Love ~ With YOU!

Dear Friend,

I’ve saved the best for last.

It doesn’t matter how hard you work or how much natural talent ekes out of your every crevice – you will not achieve satisfaction in life if you do not love yourself.

Instead, you will sabotage your own success, knowingly or not.  You will believe others’ doubts about your abilities.  You will internalize criticism.  You will judge yourself through the eyes of others instead of your own.

If you really aren’t crazy about you right now, then do both of us a favor and stop wasting money on self-help programs and business start-up guides.  Stop taking classes and wondering why you aren’t rich yet.

Coming to terms with you is the very first, threshold step to having the life of your dreams.  Skip this, and you guarantee failure.

Because success is not achieving some goal that you have set for yourself (or that others have set for you).  Success is the joy you feel when you are living your own life, your way.

The joy is in the process, not in the completion.

If you don’t love yourself, you will not embrace the type of lifestyle that you were meant to follow.  Because that lifestyle is simply a reflection of you.

You cannot feel the power of joyful love until you have fully embraced and loved the full you – you know, the you with warts and flaws and bad breath and occasional strangeness.  Because those oddities and undesirable characteristics are what diverge you from the average.  They help define, you, like it or not.

And these things aren’t bad until you decide that they are.  Someone along the way told you that these characteristics of yours were bad.  And you believed that someone because you trusted them.  So you now see yourself as they did.

But let’s say that you decided that there is something about you that you want to change – that really doesn’t reflect the true you.  Fine.  Change it if you can.  And if you can’t change it, forget it!

It’s as simple as that.

Achieving all of this might require a few visits to the shrink’s couch.  Or alone on a mountaintop.  It might take some time.

But the fact that you are anxious about achieving more for you and your family is a good indication that you are ready to take this on.  You just need to know how, and in what order to take on each challenge.

So get to know the real you.  Forget everything that others have said or implied in the past (easier said than done).  And decide that you are ready to move past self-pity into your new life.  Your are ready to love yourself.

Now, Start.

You can do it!  And I am honestly so proud of you!

Talk to you soon,

Hugh

{ 12 comments… add one }
  • BNelson February 9, 2010, 2:28 pm

    Nice post as always Hugh. Thanks for the inspiration! The “7 secrets” have helped me re-focus and chart the course for real change. Keep ’em coming! – Bruce

  • BNelson February 9, 2010, 9:28 am

    Nice post as always Hugh. Thanks for the inspiration! The “7 secrets” have helped me re-focus and chart the course for real change. Keep ’em coming! – Bruce

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 9, 2010, 3:06 pm

    Thanks, Bruce! I am glad to hear that they helped!
    All the best, Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 9, 2010, 10:06 am

    Thanks, Bruce! I am glad to hear that they helped!
    All the best, Hugh

  • Krisy February 11, 2010, 2:31 am

    Hugh, your honesty, conviction, and sincerity resonate in this post. Self love is something that I am familar with or shall I say we’ve had a torrid love affair. I was born w/o a right hand and my childhood, although fun, my relationhship with self love was challenging. I was given a bold, vivacious personality so it overshadowed my hand for the most art. I was a collegiate athlete, and was succesful at anything I did, but I did not feel that ‘joy’ within–deep in my core & fabric of my soul. I can honestly say that once I embraced my difference as part of me and the beauty w/in, I began to understand what true happiness was or what it feels like. It is a feeling that brings peace, tranquility, and bliss. It’s awesome. I grew up w/ 3 sisters so there were 4 girls. Imagine the teenage years w/ 4 girls. It was tough and often self love was not the at the forefront of our minds. When we said anything negative about our looks, my mom made us stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves “(state our name), you are beautiful. I love you.” I think about that today and am thankful. Yes, I’m 33 and have sat through years on a therapists couch, read most self help books, and every book that Oprah recommends in my quest to lead a more fulfilling life, my journey to find the meaning of happiness, and my desire to suck the marrow our of life. I like me. No, I love me. I am happy w/ me my imperfections, quarkiness, and oddities. You see my uniqueness is what defines me from you.

  • Krisy February 10, 2010, 9:31 pm

    Hugh, your honesty, conviction, and sincerity resonate in this post. Self love is something that I am familar with or shall I say we’ve had a torrid love affair. I was born w/o a right hand and my childhood, although fun, my relationhship with self love was challenging. I was given a bold, vivacious personality so it overshadowed my hand for the most art. I was a collegiate athlete, and was succesful at anything I did, but I did not feel that ‘joy’ within–deep in my core & fabric of my soul. I can honestly say that once I embraced my difference as part of me and the beauty w/in, I began to understand what true happiness was or what it feels like. It is a feeling that brings peace, tranquility, and bliss. It’s awesome. I grew up w/ 3 sisters so there were 4 girls. Imagine the teenage years w/ 4 girls. It was tough and often self love was not the at the forefront of our minds. When we said anything negative about our looks, my mom made us stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves “(state our name), you are beautiful. I love you.” I think about that today and am thankful. Yes, I’m 33 and have sat through years on a therapists couch, read most self help books, and every book that Oprah recommends in my quest to lead a more fulfilling life, my journey to find the meaning of happiness, and my desire to suck the marrow our of life. I like me. No, I love me. I am happy w/ me my imperfections, quarkiness, and oddities. You see my uniqueness is what defines me from you.

  • Catrien Ross February 11, 2010, 3:30 am

    Hugh, hello again from the foot of Mount Fuji. This is such a wonderful post, filled with inspirational insights. Thank you. I especially loved your words, “coming to terms with you,” “the joy is in the process,” and “those oddities and undesirable characteristics are what diverge you from the average.” The first two months of this year have been challenging for many people around me here in Japan (and for me, too). How much of the trouble stems from the basic attitude of not truly liking yourself? Thank you so much for sharing your gift of perspective. I would like to add that negative self-judgment leads to responding negatively to people and the world around you. Please allow me to share my latest blog post on this point at http://www.energydoorways.com/blog/natural-energy-wisdom/catrien-ross-on-how-judging-your-day-creates-your-experience-tao-insights-from-mount-fuji/

  • Catrien Ross February 10, 2010, 10:30 pm

    Hugh, hello again from the foot of Mount Fuji. This is such a wonderful post, filled with inspirational insights. Thank you. I especially loved your words, “coming to terms with you,” “the joy is in the process,” and “those oddities and undesirable characteristics are what diverge you from the average.” The first two months of this year have been challenging for many people around me here in Japan (and for me, too). How much of the trouble stems from the basic attitude of not truly liking yourself? Thank you so much for sharing your gift of perspective. I would like to add that negative self-judgment leads to responding negatively to people and the world around you. Please allow me to share my latest blog post on this point at http://www.energydoorways.com/blog/natural-energy-wisdom/catrien-ross-on-how-judging-your-day-creates-your-experience-tao-insights-from-mount-fuji/

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 11, 2010, 4:02 pm

    Krisy –

    Thank you so much for your touching and intimate portrait of life as you have experienced it.

    First, I love your mom’s technique! I am going to steal it, if that’s OK! 😉

    As I say in the post, we Learn that we are different, and the world implies (or simply says) that our difference is bad.

    Your mom did you a great service. You trusted her opinion, and her opinion was focused on one thing – your happiness. Not everyone is so lucky.

    There is a lot of discussion these days about the need for kids to have high self-esteem. I think that is true. But I suspect that many adults are clueless as to how to encourage it.

    When we as adults celebrate differences, instead of condemn them, or single them out as unfortunate deviations from the norm, then I suspect a great deal of poor childhood self-esteem will just melt away.

    Thanks again!

    Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 11, 2010, 11:02 am

    Krisy –

    Thank you so much for your touching and intimate portrait of life as you have experienced it.

    First, I love your mom’s technique! I am going to steal it, if that’s OK! 😉

    As I say in the post, we Learn that we are different, and the world implies (or simply says) that our difference is bad.

    Your mom did you a great service. You trusted her opinion, and her opinion was focused on one thing – your happiness. Not everyone is so lucky.

    There is a lot of discussion these days about the need for kids to have high self-esteem. I think that is true. But I suspect that many adults are clueless as to how to encourage it.

    When we as adults celebrate differences, instead of condemn them, or single them out as unfortunate deviations from the norm, then I suspect a great deal of poor childhood self-esteem will just melt away.

    Thanks again!

    Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 11, 2010, 4:08 pm

    Hey Catrien –

    Your blog post is beautiful! (See my comment on your site).

    Negative self judgment creates a negative energy that pervades everything around us. And so does positive self-acceptance.

    It all goes back to judgment. Our failure to embrace and love ourselves is the result of learned judgment.

    This is a cultural problem. Even, it seems, a species-wide problem. And clearly one that is worth spotlighting for a wide audience. We all want to be happy. Perhaps our very first step is to just stop judging!

    Thank you so much for your great comment!

    All the best,

    Hugh

  • Hugh DeBurgh February 11, 2010, 11:08 am

    Hey Catrien –

    Your blog post is beautiful! (See my comment on your site).

    Negative self judgment creates a negative energy that pervades everything around us. And so does positive self-acceptance.

    It all goes back to judgment. Our failure to embrace and love ourselves is the result of learned judgment.

    This is a cultural problem. Even, it seems, a species-wide problem. And clearly one that is worth spotlighting for a wide audience. We all want to be happy. Perhaps our very first step is to just stop judging!

    Thank you so much for your great comment!

    All the best,

    Hugh

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