Being Present
Dear Friend,
Know Your Priorities – Be present with who and what you love – otherwise, what’s the point?
The greatest gift that you can give to another person is your full and undivided attention. It’s also the greatest gift that you can give to yourself.
The reality is, every living thing seems to thrive on attention. From people right down to your houseplants, your focused, sincere and caring attention is what life craves.
What you pay attention to most defines your life.
Because what you do in each moment is your life, regardless of what you hope your life will be someday or what you think your life was about before.
I think of the parents out there who work hard so that they can give their kids a better life. Or so that they can spend more time together in the future. What happens? The kids grow up to resent their distant, uninterested parents. They become trouble makers, or they just make trouble for themselves, all usually because they just want some attention. They just want to be noticed, and to be acknowledged for who they really are.
You cannot know another person unless you accept their invitation to enter into their personal space.
When they let you in, they are telling you that they trust you, and that you matter to them. Once inside that private space, you need to focus on what you see. You also need to respect the honor they are granting you.
Sharing true intimacy is the greatest gift that life has to offer.
It is the embodiment of love. And it is the best way to nurture and grow your relationships.
You know, I had to search long and hard to find an appropriate image for this post. One that effectively conveyed the idea of sympathetically giving someone else your full and focused attention. It makes me feel that, perhaps, we live in a world where everyone is so focused on themselves that they don’t know how to be truly present with another. People seem to have their priorities screwed up.
Then again, having someone focusing on you can be unnerving. Threatening, even. In the animal world, to look directly into the eyes of another is often a threat. I guess the assumption is that the only reason you would be focusing on them is to size them up for dinner. 😉
Trust is the key to sharing intimate space with another.
And trust seems to be a rare commodity these days. Yet without opening to such trust we are truly alone.
You cannot achieve the happiness that you crave simply by focusing on yourself. Like it or not, we are social creatures. And our psyches require positive interaction with others to achieve a sense of peace. We need the loving attention of others. And we need to share our loving attention too.
Paying attention to what matters defines your priorities.
To put off focusing on what really matters only ensures that you are not really living your own life. In other words, it ensures that you will never be as happy as you could be, as you so deeply want to be.
Our minds live in time, but our feelings live only in the present. So if you want to be happy, focus on the now. Be here, now. And make the most of this moment. Not ten minutes from now. NOW.
Meditate. Contemplate. And yes, plan and dream. Be present with those you love. And acknowledge the honor you are being granted to share this intimacy.
The key point to the 5th Secret is that everything that matters needs attention.
And if you want to be happy, you need to learn how to focus and share that attention. So get out of your thoughts and take note of your life. It’s right in front of you.
All the best,
Hugh
