Dear Friend,
This post is aimed at my masculine readers. If you are of the feminine race, please read this as well, and set me straight if you disagree. You certainly know this subject better than I!
Let me start out by stating that this post is a hopeless generalization. When I refer to relationships it must be also understood that there are as many unique relationship dynamics as there are relationships. That’s a lot of variety!
Nevertheless, there are some generally accurate things that I have experienced in my relationships that I thought needed to be passed on to other men to improve their chances for keeping their honey happy.
So here goes…
First, I am passionate about the fact that women are equal to men in every way. Masculine and feminine are unique from each other, but everyone deserves to be treated with equal respect.
I have always felt so strongly about this that I made a point of treating my lady friends in a way I saw as “equal,” or better yet, deferential. For example, if the subject of what to have for dinner came up, I would respectfully ask, “Well, what would you like this evening, dear?” If the question of where to go on vacation came up, I would first defer to the lady’s taste.
I understood this behavior as the verbal equivalent of opening the door for a lady and letting her pass first – a sign of respect.
However, I eventually figured out that my verbal deference was not seen as a sign of respect by most women, but rather as a sign of weakness!
What I have learned over time is that, the more that I treated many women in this deferential way, the less interested in me they became. Many, especially the stronger women, seemed to like the “bad boys”. This completely confused me.
Why did these women act that way? Well, we’ll never know exactly why in any specific case. However, psychologists have determined that many women can be instinctively attracted to men who are decisive, take charge, and whose life does not revolve around them.
In the past, women were attracted to men who were likely to be leaders, because leaders had a better chance for survival in the prehistoric world. Leaders would make sure that a woman’s offspring got fed and weren’t eaten by wild beasts.
In those days, there was likely little difference between a leader and a thug. Thugs had the physical strength and ability to intimidate that was required for a leader. This is the instinctive basis for a woman’s attraction to “bad boys,” even if those guys aren’t very likely to be the leader of anything these days. And even if those bad boys don’t really treat her very well. A woman’s instinct leaned more towards ensuring basic survival than it did towards preserving her happiness.
Today, women can overcome this outmoded instinctive drive with good sense. However, that does not mean that they always do it. Even smart women fall into this trap.
Of course, men are not taught all of this ancient history when they begin to court the feminine race. And dominating male behavior was exactly contradictary to what these same women apparently thought that they wanted in a man. So when a woman who said that she wanted a sweet man who treats her right dumps you for the “bad boy,” a guy starts to think that the woman was being less than truthful with him.
So, how is an honest and respectful guy to deal with this? Should he act the “bad guy” role so that he can compete?
No one should be disingenuous in their relationships. You must be your true self.
But I suggest that when a woman asks a man “Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?”, a man should NOT say, “Oh, wherever you want, dear.” A woman might want to hear “Let’s go to the Thai place.”
I’m not saying that women want to be dominated. They want to be respected. They want their opinion to weigh equally in a relationship. And if a woman who is worth her salt even suspects that you don’t fully respect her, your relationship just ended, bud.
However, when it comes to acting decisively, more often than not, women want their man to just make a decision and put an end to the discussion. A woman often unconsciously wants to enjoy the uniquely feminine role of fickleness, and she can’t indulge in this if her man insists on being “respectful” and refusing to make a decision for both of you.
Let her indulge. Make the decisions. If she protests, you will quickly know whether the protest is sincere or not. Understand that this is a game. She will let you know in subtle (or not so subtle) ways when you should defer to her opinion. Otherwise, let her be a woman. She’ll love you all the more for it.
This is what has worked out for me. And I learned all of this the hard way. I thought it only fair that these secrets to a woman’s mind be passed on to my masculine brothers in the hope that their relationships might be improved and their lady friends might be just a bit more satisfied.
I hope that this helps in your relationship as well.
All the best,
Hugh
