Kitty Love!
Dear Friend,
About a year ago I agreed, after much trepidation, that our family might get a new cat.
Now understand, I don’t mind cats. I just haven’t had much luck with them in the past.
As this new feline family member settled in, I kept a respectful distance. “Don’t get in my way, and we’ll be just fine”, I thought.
Funny thing was, the cat kept coming around.
It hung out near me when I was working, slept near me, and just seemed to be my best pal. After a while, I warmed up to the cat. I started paying attention to “her”. I would scratch her ears, feed her, talk to her, and basically make a fool of myself. My family thought this was hilarious.
Then something funny happened.
The cat stopped being interested in me.
It switched allegiance from me to my wife! That traitor. I felt bad. I kind of enjoyed our little relationship. What did I do? What happened? And why am I telling you all of this?’
Common sense is not always the best way to understand another intelligence – human or cat.
I noticed a cat psychology book on the discount rack at the book store, and learned quite a bit.
First, the cat came to me precisely because I ignored her. In the mind of a cat, my lack of interest equated to safety (e.g., I wasn’t likely to eat her). When I changed my behavior and started lavishing her with attention, she left me.
These cat behaviors are instinctive. And, like it or not, humans carry a lot of similar instincts into our relationships as well.
If you are a man you need to understand that women are attracted to men who “have it going on.”
They want a man who has passions, interests, and purpose. They are instinctively repulsed by men who are “too into them.” This seems counter intuitive, and it is. Nevertheless, it is true.
A man who is too into a woman comes off as desperate. The man who will win her attentions is one who has his own interests. His life’s mission takes a precedence over his relationships with women. He likes them but he can live without them. He may come off as “aloof.” But he’s just focused.
This type of man tends to be the most successful, and natural selection has produced an instinctive drive in women to gravitate to success.
So, if you want to win your dream woman, rule number one is to stop trying so hard. Focus on building the life of your dreams, and the women of your dreams will follow.
Talk you you soon,
Hugh
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Learn more about Hugh at http://hughdeburgh.com.
